


Vanitas Does Not Like Ponies

by Taliax



Series: Vanitas Is Not Amused [2]
Category: Kingdom Hearts, My Little Pony, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Still regret nothing, The Author Regrets Nothing, Vanitas is going to murder me, What Have I Done, Why is this actually one of the best things I've written
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2014-05-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 12:06:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1387027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliax/pseuds/Taliax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Annoyed at Xehanort for overworking him and sending him to a world full of ponies, Vanitas decides to take a vacation. His idea of a good vacation didn't include partying or making friends, but he'll tough it out in exchange for ice cream and an outfit change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Vanitas Does Not Like Ponies

**Author's Note:**

> I never thought my first crossover would be Kingdom Hearts and My Little Pony. XD The plot bunny showed up as a result of the prequel to this, “Vanitas is NOT a Power Ranger”. I caught Bronyism soon after I finished that ‘fic, and Vanitas still wanted a new suit, and I wanted to torture him with more cute things. This is what I came up with.

Vanitas had been having problems with light lately. First it was Aqua, then those annoying Power Ranger-cosplaying kids. But seriously, this was _way_ overkill. Maybe it was Xehanort’s way of punishing him for wanting a new suit.  Vanitas couldn’t think of any other explanation for why he’d been sent _here,_ of all places. That Bambi world was one thing, but this…

He was overlooking a town full of _ponies._ Sickeningly cute, disgustingly heart-melting _ponies._ Vanitas wanted to barf. He was annoyed by the increasing frequency of this sensation.

“That’s it. I’m not taking this.” Vanitas sat down and swung his legs over the cliff’s edge, ripping off his helmet and chucking it across the grass behind him. “Xehanort needs me for his dumb plan, but I don’t need him bossing me around. He’ll see how much I work my butt off when he has to spread the darkness and negativity around himself.”

_“Don’t say butt!”_ Kaitlyn, the pink ranger-child, would’ve said.

_Shut up,_ Vanitas told his memory. Why could he get those stupid kids out of his head?

_“Don’t say shut up!”_

_Make me,_ he taunted, then realized how ridiculous he sounded, even in his head. _All this light’s making me crazy._

There actually wasn’t an excess of light in this world, which a sign had said was Equestria, Vanitas realized. Somehow in spite of all the cuteness there was a decent, almost perfect balance of light and darkness. Maybe not everything was as perfect as it seemed.

Well, Vanitas could deal with that. He’d hang out here for most of the day, and then tell Xehanort he’d spread the Unversed even though he had no intention of doing so. Sure, the old bag could always come and check the world himself, but Vanitas doubted he would. He rarely left the Keyblade Graveyard, even sending Braig out to buy groceries now. Vanitas figured the “I’m going to rule the worlds, mwahahaha!” idea had gone to his head with how the old man treated him and Braig like minions now. Vanitas would outsmart his master and take a vacation instead of exhausting himself making even more Unversed. Surely there were plenty of worlds for Terra, Aqua, and Ventus to clear out already, anyway.

_A vacation,_ Vanitas thought, grinning happily. Well, as much as a vacation as he could have in a world full of ponies, but the point was that he wasn’t going to waste his energy followed Xehanort’s orders.

Now the only problem was figuring out what to do on his vacation. He’d never had one before, but he knew it was supposed to be fun. Causing panic and chaos and darkness was fun, but he was too tired for that, so he settled for the next best idea: ice cream. Did anyone have ice cream on this world? There was only one way to find out.

Vanitas tuned around, ready to grab his helmet and cram it back over his messy spikes, but he froze before his fingers could touch it.

“Eep!” Fearful blue-green eyes widened, just inches from his face, as the creamish-yellow pony skittered backwards. “I-I’m so sorry for interrupting your thinking, s-sir, p-p-please don’t hurt m-me…”

Vanitas stared at her while she shuddered against a large rock. Sure, he was scary and evil, but he’d never frightened anyone so easily before.

He grinned maliciously and summoned a few Unversed (only three Floods; no point pushing himself on his vacation) to keep her from fleeing. But…

He looked at her again, her tightly sealed eyes and pink mane and feeble-looking wings. It was pathetic, so pathetic he should just put her out of her misery. So why was there something gnawing at him to stop?

_It’s all this stupid light!_ He moaned inwardly. The world itself might be balanced, but the terrified pony was spewing it everywhere. He hated that adorable pegasus, throwing heart-rays and guilt-beams everywhere. It was his vacation; he shouldn’t have to hurt on his vacation. And if the thought of killing the pegasus hurt…

_There wouldn’t be any point in killing this pony, anyway. She’s not worth it. I’m not letting her go because she’s too cute and innocent to hurt…_

The pony hesitantly opened one eye once she realized that nothing bad was happening. Vanitas cringed at the squeal that came from her mouth barely a second later.

“Oh, they’re so _cute,”_ she gushed, nuzzling one of the Floods. The other two crowded around her and sniffed at her tail.

“CUTE?” Vanitas exclaimed. _Why_ did so many people – and now ponies – seem to think his personal minions were as cuddly as any small forest creature?

“Are these your pets?” The pegasus asked politely.

“They’re not _pets,”_ Vanitas pouted, crossing his arms.

“I’m sorry, they must be your companions, then. What are they?” She paused in her sickening cuddle-fest with the Unversed to look up at Vanitas. “And, um, if you don’t mind me asking, what are you?”

“They’re…” Vanitas was going to say _creatures of negative emotions,_ but he found himself unable to use those words to describe the admittedly cute Unversed frolicking around the pegasus. “Floods,” he muttered.

“Oh, how wonderful.” She closed her eyes and smiled, flapping her wings happily.

“I’m Vanitas. A…” Heart of pure darkness? Incarnation of evil? “Human,” he felt compelled to say, though the reason was beyond him. Did these ponies possess mind-controlling abilities? Of course not, Vanitas’s mind was more than strong enough to resist any tampering anyway. He just felt like telling her, that was it.

“Nice to meet you, Vanitas. What a nice name.” She smiled again and tickled one of the Unversed with her tail. “My name is Fluttershy.”

The name was so girly that it made Vanitas want to retch, but it was obviously fitting.

“Why do you have a tattoo on your butt?” He blurted suddenly, noticing the butterfly markings on her flank and scowling. Xehanort would never let him get a tattoo, but this pony had one? Sure, it was of some lame girl butterflies, but still.

Fluttershy tilted her head to the side curiously. “Excuse me, but what’s a tattoo? Is that a human thing?”

Vanitas pointed to the butterfly marks.

“Ohhh. That’s my cutie mark,” she said in that soft, shy-yet-cheerful voice of hers.

Vanitas gagged visibly, but Fluttershy didn’t notice. She was too busy cuddling with the Floods, who unlike the Hareraiser from the previous day, seemed to be adoring the attention and making pleased purring noises. He wanted to torture the misbehaving minions; they were _supposed_ to show loyalty only to him, not go and get attached to random strangers. Especially not strangers who were girly light-filled _ponies_.

Suddenly he got an idea. “You got any ice cream around here?” My Floods need some,” he lied.

“If they need ice cream, I’d be glad to help,” Fluttershy replied, letting the Unversed crawl up her mane and tail onto her back. “Follow me, please.”

Her politeness was sickening, but Vanitas grabbed his helmet without bothering to put it back on and walked alongside the pony down the gentle side of the cliff until they reached the bustling town of Ponyville. There were fruit stands and little shops everywhere, with unicorns and pegasi and earth ponies buying, selling, trading, or simply chatting at each one.

_I knew unicorns were real! That old bag lied to me, but I knew it!_ Vanitas grinned at the fact that he was right and Xehanort was wrong.

Their progress was slow because Fluttershy kept pausing to let other ponies cross in front of them or to fuss over the Floods (who she had, upon finding that Vanitas hadn’t named them, decided to call Azure, Cerulean, and Sapphire), but eventually they came to a pink-and-brown house that looked like its roof was made of chocolate. Vanitas had to duck to follow Fluttershy inside. Once he did, he was pounced on and knocked to the ground by a yelling pink blur.

_Not again,_ Vanitas thought in annoyance.

The blur turned out to be a pink pony who shoved her face into his to get a better look at him.

“Who are you, huh? What did you do to Fluttershy? Why’d you barge in here being all _sneaky_ and _quiet_ and-”

“Um, excuse me,” Fluttershy interrupted. “He didn’t hurt me at all. He’s nice.”

Vanitas was about to object to that, but the pink pony beat him to it.

“ _Nice,_ huh? Hmmm…” Vanitas was more than a little freaked out when her eyeballs stretched out to scrutinize him even more. The as quickly as she tackled him, she bounced off and pranced around him in circles. “Okey-dokie-lokie! If Fluttershy likes you, I like you too!”

He groaned as Fluttershy and the Floods nudged him gently to his feet. _Some vacation this is…_

“I’m Pinkie Pie! What’s your name? I know _every_ pony in town, and I mean _everypony,_ but you’re not a pony, and I don’t know you! Are you new? Where did you come from? What are you? Ooh, I know! You’re a-”

“If you say _Power Ranger,_ I will eat you.”

Pinkie laughed. “What’s a Power Ranger? And why would you eat me? That’s just silly, I’m not a _real_ pie, but I can bake you one! What flavor do you like? Blackberry? Cherry? Ooh! Maybe black-cherr-straw-rasp-muffin-app-”

“I don’t want _pie,”_ he growled, rubbing his head. “The name’s Vanitas, I’m a human, and I want ice cream. You got any?”

“Of _course_ I do! I can’t throw parties without ice cream!” She dashed off somewhere and was back within one-point-four seconds with a tub of mint chocolate chip balanced on her back. She set the ice cream on a table seemingly procured from nowhere.

“Finally, _someone_ who appreciates frozen dairy treats,” Vanitas muttered to himself. He didn’t particularly care at the moment that said “someone” was an ADHD pony.

“I’d have more, but we ate most of it at the party yesterday,” Pinkie explained, then reared up on her hind legs and clapped her hooves together. “Ooh! I know!”

Before Vanitas or Fluttershy could ask what she knew, she flew out the door and left a cloud of dust behind her. Vanitas just shrugged and ripped the lid off of the ice cream, diving into it with his hands and shoving chunks of it into his mouth. He barely remembered to feed some to his Floods, who gobbled up their shares eagerly despite not having mouths, which appeased Fluttershy and stopped her from trying to politely critique his manners.

All the mint chocolate chip was gone and Vanitas had put his helmet back on by the time Pinkie Pie returned with four more ponies in tow.

“I’m telling you, Pinkie, there are no such things as humans in-” The purple unicorn gaped as she followed Pinkie inside. “-Equestria,” she finished in a whisper.

Vanitas’s only reply was to burp loudly. The light blue pegasus hovering above the others waved a hoof in front of her nose. “Smells like Spike’s got some new competition in the belching department…”

A white unicorn with a curled purple mane stepped to the front of the group and gasped. “Oh, what _horror!”_

“This is my new friend Vanitas!” Pinkie Pie bounced around while introducing him, ignoring the unicorn, who had fainted on the floor. “Fluttershy met him today! Why don’t you take off your mask so you don’t look so creepy, Vani?”

“I don’t want another head injury.”

“Don’t worry, we’re not going to hurt you!” Pinkie flashed him a huge grin. “We’re going to have a welcome party! You can talk to my friends while I get more ice cream!” She sped off to wherever she was going this time.

Vanitas and the ponies studied each other warily for a moment before an orange pony with a blonde mane and cowboy hat spoke up.

“I don’t like the looks of this fella’,” she whispered, still loudly enough for Vanitas to hear.

“Fluttershy trusts him,” said the purple unicorn. “We might as well give him a chance too. We were wrong about Zecora, remember?”

Vanitas was distracted from their conversation about him by the rainbow-maned pegasus flying up to knock on his mask.

“Anyone in there? You gonna say anything?”

Vanitas tried to push her away, but she dodged behind him. “Don’t mess with my mask.”

“What’s up with that thing, anyway? Something wrong with your face?” The pegasus was like an obnoxious fly, but Vanitas had to control his impulses to swat her. He still wanted more ice cream.

“My face is perfectly fine,” he growled.

“Well, then let’s see it,” the orange pony said.

“Please,” Fluttershy added. “You have a nice face.”

Vanitas had no idea how she figured _that,_ but it reminded him of Kaitlyn again. Sighing, he caved to Fluttershy’s big blue-green eyes and dissolved his mask.

The white unicorn recovered from her earlier disgust and gasped again, this time in awe, as Vanitas shook out his black spikes.

“Oh, those _eyes!_ They’re absolutely _gorgeous!”_ She gushed as Vanitas stared in disbelief. “Why, and your mane! I’ve never seen anything like it! I simply _must_ design you an outfit that complements you better than that horrid suit!”

“Really?” Vanitas sounded as excited as if he’d heard today was the day to forge the X-blade. _Finally, I’ll have something to wear that doesn’t make me look like a Power Ranger!_ It didn’t occur to him at the moment that the clothes this girly unicorn might design could be even more embarrassing.

“Why, of course! It would be my pleasure! Just think, all the things I could come up with to match those eyes…” she trailed off, muttering happily to herself.

“Hmm…” The orange pony still eyed Vanitas doubtfully, but with a happy grin on his face, he didn’t seem so bad. “Alright, I’ll give this colt a chance. But where’d you come from?”

The most dreaded question among universe-travelers. He looked around frantically, trying to come up with an excuse and painfully aware that all the ponies could see the dilemma on his face. Braig was right when he teased him about being an open book without his mask.

“I came from, uh, that forest.” That’s right, he’d come out of a corridor fairly close to a huge forest. It looked dark and inhospitable enough for it to make sense that he would’ve gone unnoticed there.

The ponies’ eyes widened. “The Everfree Forest?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“And what are you doin’ here?”   The orange pony wouldn’t stop with the questions, would she?

Vanitas shrugged. “I wanted some ice cream.”

That sounded innocent enough, and they bought it. It was pretty much the truth, after all.

“That’s enough questions for now,” the purple unicorn said. “Where are our manners? We haven’t even introduced ourselves. My name is Twilight Sparkle.”

She held out a hoof, and Vanitas stared at it blankly.

“You’re supposed to shake it,” the light blue pegasus whispered loudly in his ear.

“I’ll pass,” he deadpanned.

“What, you afraid of gettin’ your hoof dirty?” The orange pony’s accent was getting on Vanitas’s nerves, but what she said sounded something like a challenge, so he grabbed Twilight’s hoof and flailed his arm awkwardly.

“Erm…” The white unicorn was still put off by his social awkwardness, but she covered it with a small cough and bowed politely. “I am Rarity, fashion designer extraordinaire. Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“I’m the amazingly, stupendously awesome Rainbow Dash!” The light blue pegasus struck a dramatic pose in midair, but unlike in the episode of Power Rangers he’d been forced to watch(partially by small children, partially by curiosity), there was no cheesy explosion behind her. Vanitas was oddly satisfied by that fact.

“And I’m Applejack. Sorry ‘bout all the questions, just gotta make sure you’re trustworthy.” She didn’t bother with a hand/hoof-shake, but she did smile sincerely. All this kindness, along with the ponies’ ridiculous names, was enough to make Vanitas sick to his stomach. He tried to push away that feeling since he doubted the ice cream he’d eaten would taste half as good on the way back up.

They were all looking at him expectantly (except Fluttershy, who seemed to be playing hide-and-seek with the Floods in the background), so he grimaced and fought his dark instincts.

“It’s… nice... to meet you,” he lied through his teeth. _At least I proved I don’t have to act evil if I don’t feel like it. I bet Ventus couldn’t be evil if he tried._ The thought that he was stronger than his other half brought a grin to his face.

“He must not get out much,” Applejack muttered.

Pinkie Pie came whirling in before Vanitas could retaliate, wielding a canon that shot out ribbons, confetti, and other decorations and whipping out a tablecloth with a spread of desserts on the table. He didn’t have a clue how she did it, but he wasn’t about to complain.

“Let’s partyyy!” Pinkie cheered as a flood of ponies charged into the house.

Vanitas made choking noises, eyes widening. So may ponies in the same place, so little room to move… He tended to avoid crowds, so hadn’t realized he was claustrophobic until now. Twilight noticed the expression on his face and nudged him towards a wall underneath a “Welcome to Ponyville, Vanitas!” banner.

“She did this for me, too,” Twilight said sympathetically.

_I don’t need any sympathy,_ Vanitas thought grumpily. But it did feel kind of good that someone cared, even though he wasn’t used to it. He sat down and leaned against the wall next to her.

Fluttershy came out of the crowd with the handle of an ice cream bucket in her mouth. Sapphire (the darkest blue Flood, who had a crooked antenna) scampered down off of her back and handed Vanitas a spoon.

“Not such a failure of a minion after all… Maybe I’ll keep you,” he muttered to Sapphire. Why was he being merciful? No, he wasn’t being merciful; he just didn’t want to feel the pain that resulted whenever he killed one of his fledgling emotions.

Fluttershy set down the ice cream tub and slid it forward with her nose. “Cerulean said this one’s your favorite.”

Vanitas took off the lid and sniffed deeply. “No way! How’d they tell you I like sea-salt?”

“Well, um, they didn’t tell me with _words_ exactly, but I could tell what they were trying to say,” she murmured as Vanitas scarfed down the blue ice cream.   He quickly got brainfreeze and had to slow down, but he still savored each bite. He’d just recently discovered the flavor while in Radiant Garden, and he couldn’t get over how delicious the mix of salty and sweet was.

It was so good, Vanitas muttered a quick “Thanks” between bites, making Fluttershy smile brightly.

Pinkie Pie bounced over just as Vanitas was swallowing his last spoonful, though he still attempted to scrape the remains of the frozen treat from the sides and bottom of the tub.

“Hiya! Are you having fun?” She asked while dancing in an awkward way that looked more like a seizure, if the person having a seizure was on a sugar high and running from a giant Unversed. Vanitas growled when she almost kicked the tub out of his hands.

“I don’t think he likes crowds,” Twilight explained.

Pinkie gasped dramatically, her jaw hanging open. “But it’s a party! It’s _supposed_ to be crowded, how else are you supposed to meet new friends?”

“I don’t need more friends,” Vanitas snapped.

“But _everypony_ could use more friends! And so can everyhuman!” Pinkie protested.

Fluttershy stood between them. “Pinkie, um, can we take him outside? He’s probably just nervous around so many new ponies.”

“I’m _not_ nervous!” Vanitas objected, trying to retain some of his dignity even though he really didn’t want to stay in Pinkie’s house now that he was out of ice cream. “But I need to see Rarity about my new outfit.”

“It’s okay to be nervous,” Twilight whispered to him.

“I’m _not nervous!”_ Vanitas yelled just as Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash walked over.

“Yup, he don’t get out much,” AJ confirmed to herself.

“Rarity, Vanitas is ready for you to outfit him,” Twilight said, standing up.

“But the party!” Pinkie protested with a kicked-puppy expression.

_Why is everyone trying to kill me with cuteness?_ Vanitas wondered to himself in annoyance.

“As much as I would love to get to work right away, Pinkie is right,” Rarity said. “It would be beyond rude to leave in the middle of the occasion.”

Vanitas growled angrily, but he quickly cut himself off. He needed these ponies to like him if he wanted something to replace his suit. Acting likable wasn’t one of the easiest things for him, but surely he was smart enough to pull it off.

“Fine,” he muttered as Twilight sat next to him again. Fluttershy settled down on his other side, still cuddling with the Floods. Her gentleness must’ve rubbed off on them; they no longer scratched or lunged at anyone. Vanitas was surprised that that didn’t disappoint him all that much.

“Yay!” Pinkie stomped her hooves happily. “C’mon, let’s go dance!”

_“Whaaaat?”_ Vanitas had done a lot of things today that he’d never comprehended doing before, but _dancing?_ “I do NOT dance.”

“Do you not know how?” Pinkie asked innocently. “I’m a great dancer! I’ll show you!”

Despite all the objections and threats Vanitas made, the hyperactive pony dragged him away, literally kicking and screaming, from the wallflower group.

“I hope Pinkie doesn’t make him party too hard,” Twilight said with a sigh.

Applejack grinned.   “Maybe it’ll make ‘im lighten up a bit.”

Meanwhile, Pinkie spun Vanitas through the crowd of ponies, accidentally injuring anyone who got too close.

“Stop _touching_ me!” Vanitas snarled as he stumbled clumsily around, Pinkie swinging his hands. “I _swear,_ I will rip your stupid tail out and-”

“WHEEEE!” Pinkie Pie squealed, completely oblivious to the threats Vanitas was spitting as she danced about. “You’re good at this!”

_Why_ did the ponies keep complimenting him on stuff he didn’t want to be good at? He wasn’t even dancing; he was just dodging between the flailing manes, hooves, and tails while Pinkie paraded him around.

Vanitas hissed and finally managed to slip away, diving under the floor into a pool of darkness. Shouldn’t have done that, it was disorienting and now he was even dizzier. It never bothered him in the heat of battle, but for some reason, maybe because of how crowded it was, he now felt nauseated.

Twilight and Fluttershy jumped back as he resurfaced between them.

“Urgh…” He rumpled against the wall, clutching his head.

“You okay there, sugar cube?” Applejack asked.

“I haven’t read much about humans, but from what I have read, they can’t use magic.” Twilight frowned thoughtfully. “I’ll have to study the subject in more detail…”

“Is that all the spinning you can take?” Dash’s question sounded like a challenge, and Vanitas never could back down from a challenge. Steeling his gaze, Vanitas stood and marched back into the crowd of ponies while Rainbow Dash bragged about how many barrel rolls she could do without getting dizzy.

“Oh! There you are!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “I was starting to think you ran away! Ready for more dancing?”

Muttering a few choice threats under his breath, Vanitas grabbed her hooves and pranced around even more stupidly, though somehow more gracefully, than before. The other ponies backed away and formed a circle to give them more room as they twirled around together. Soon Vanitas let her hooves go and she danced on four legs while he came up with some new moves of his own. It wasn’t enjoyable to him in the slightest, but the sound of cheering brought a smug grin to his face. He finished off with some breakdancing and then dived into the floor again.

_I’d like to see Ventus try something like that,_ he thought proudly.

The ponies by the wall were just as startled by his reappearance as they were the first time.

“Could you give us a warning for once?” Twilight muttered.

“Whoa, that was awesome!” Rainbow Dash hovered in midair, holding up a hoof for a high-five, which Vanitas now knew to hit. He found it interesting that slapping hands was considered a friendly gesture and not a violent one, but it still felt good to hit something.

“I know,” Vanitas replied arrogantly, earning an eyeroll from Applejack.

“Of course, I’m the best at those kinds of acrobatics-”

“No way,” Vanitas interrupted Dash.

“Yes way! I won the best young flier competition,” she bragged, crossing her front legs. “Princess Celestia even called me the best flier in all of Equestria. Top _that._ ”

“Well, I’m going to forge the X-blade, open a door to all worlds, and start a new Keyblade War!” Vanitas said, causing the ponies to look at him oddly. _Right. They don’t know what I’m talking about._ It was probably better that way.

“Please don’t argue,” Fluttershy said now that they were both quiet.

Vanitas and Rainbow Dash continued to glare at each other.

“Now, now, there’s no need for that,” Applejack cautioned.

“Come on, let’s enjoy the party!” Twilight said with forced enthusiasm as she stepped in the middle of their glare-off.

“Fine, whatever.” Dash rolled her eyes. When the other ponies walked off to join in some party games, she hovered up to Vanitas. “Sunset, the edge of the Everfree Forest. We’ll settle this.”

“Bring it,” he replied with a smirk. She smirked back.

“I haven’t had a good challenge in a while. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the first to _almost_ beat me.” She followed the others off to bob for apples, leaving Vanitas without any idea of what to do. Shrugging, he decided to make his way back to the dessert table. Not only was it frustrating to shove his way through the mob, but all the ice cream was gone, which plunged him into a dark mood again.

“Hiya, Vani!” Pinkie Pie bounced up to him.

“Don’t call me that,” he grumbled, remembering the kids from yesterday again, but she didn’t seem to hear.

“I’m so glad I found you again! That thing where you went underground was so cool, you’re like a ninja! Is that why you have that costume?” She continued to chatter as she loaded up a plate of cakes, pies, and other desserts. Eventually she ended with, “Are you enjoying to party?”

“No.”

Pinkie’s gasp was so long and loud that Vanitas and the nearby ponies grated their teeth.

“You’re – you’re not having fun?” Tears sprung to her eyes, which seemed to grow to twice their already-large size, and her mane and tail fell limp. Forget Fluttershy earlier, _this_ was the most pathetic thing Vanitas had ever seen. He wasn’t even getting any pleasure from making her cry.

_What’s_ wrong _with me? How are they getting to me like this?_ He wished he could blame the light, but he was still picking up a balanced aura. The darkness seemed to have no visible effect on Equestria even though he could sense its presence. He was forced to admit to himself that he seemed to have developed a weakness for cute things, appalling as the thought was.

“How could you not have fun at my party? Did I – did I do something wrong?” Pinkie sat on the ground, staring up at him pleadingly. The other five ponies whose names he knew had pushed their way to the front of the circle of ponies that were staring at him. He wanted to slash at them with his keyblade, make them _go away_ and stop _staring like that_ and making him feel awful…

“No.” Vanitas forced a (probably wicked-looking) smile, hesitantly patting Pinkie Pie’s head. “It’s… not your fault. I don’t know how to have fun,” he choked out, instincts screaming at him, but he was a bit proud that he was strong enough to deny those instincts.

“Then we’ll teach you! Right, Twilight?” Pinkie said enthusiastically, hair popping back into its mess of curls.

Twilight smiled kindly. “Sure! I taught Princess Luna how to have fun. I can teach you, too.”

“Er… Okay.” He _was_ curious about what these ponies would consider fun, after all.

“Great!” Pinkie grabbed the edge of his skirt (he would’ve come up with a manlier name with it, but he couldn’t think of one – just one more reason for him to get a new suit) in her teeth and dragged him in front of a huge bucket of water.

“Have you ever bobbed for apples, Vanitas?” Twilight asked.

He answered by staring at her in a way that clearly said “you’re decreasing my motivation to let you live.”

“O–kay, then…” The purple unicorn took a step back. “Pinkie, why don’t you show him?”

“Of course!” She giggled giddily, plunging her head into the bucket with a splash. Vanitas hoped she might be trying to drown herself, but unfortunately she came out completely unharmed, a bright red apple in her mouth. Tossing it into the air, she caught, crunched, and swallowed it. “Juicy!”

“’Course, ya don’t have to be so fancy ‘bout it,” Applejack said, “the point is, you stick your head in that there bucket and sink your teeth into one of my farm-fresh apples.”

“And that’s supposed to be fun,” he deadpanned in disbelief.

“You betcha!” Applejack confirmed with a smile.

“Despite its uncouth appearance, it can be quite enjoyable,” Rarity added. “Be careful not to get your mane wet, though, dear.”

Seeing his lingering reluctance, Rainbow Dash gave him a friendly shove on the shoulder. “Just try it!”

“Whatever,” Vanitas grumbled, shooting her a glare. He couldn’t see any point to it whatsoever, but he stepped forward and sized up the apples in the bucket for a second before dunking his head in and digging his teeth into one. He flung water droplets on Rarity when he took his head back out, and hearing her mortified screech at getting wet, he shook the remaining water from his hair out on all of them. He might not be able to kill or injure them, but he could still have a little fun.

Vanitas spat the apple out, and it rolled across the floor and came to a stop at Applejack’s hooves.

“Not feelin’ it?” She asked with a frown.

“That was stupid,” Vanitas commented with vague annoyance towards his still-wet hair. The only “fun” thing about it was making Rarity mad, and he still had to be somewhat nice to her so she’d make him a new outfit.

“Don’t give up yet!” Pinkie Pie pleaded. “There are plenty of other party games!” She pointed to a group of ponies trying to pin a tail on a drawing of a pony on the wall. “Or we could dance more!” Now pointing to a line of ponies that appeared to be dong the conga, she grinned.

“I don’t think he wants to, Pinkie.” Fluttershy held up Sapphire in her mouth by its antennae, and it squirmed helplessly. “His Floods are getting agitated.”

The other ponies stared at her strangely.

“They act like how he feels,” she explained. Vanitas was surprised that she had figured that out, but it did make things easier for him. He sent out a mental command for the Floods to head for the door.

“Wait!” Fluttershy cried. To Vanitas’s annoyance, they actually listened for a moment before he prodded them again. “No! Don’t go!”

“I’m out of here,” Vanitas announced.

“But the party!” Pinkie protested. Vanitas kept walking away until she threw herself at his feet. “Please please _please_ with a cupcake on top don’t go!”

Vanitas cursed mentally. They had to go through this _again?_

Twilight placed a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder as Vanitas tried to shake her off of his leg. “It’s getting late, Pinkie. They need to head over to Rarity’s house soon.”

“But…” Pinkie paused thoughtfully before springing off of Vanitas and turning to the crowd of ponies.

“Okay, everypony! Thank you all for coming! This party was officially-”

“Pause for dramatic effect,” Rainbow Dash whispered.

“Okey-dokie-lokie.” Pinkie was silent for a whole five seconds, breaking record books.

“Not that long!”

“Oopsy.” Pinkie laughed before saying more loudly, “-the best welcome party ever!”

“Well, I don’t know about _that,_ ” Applejack muttered as the other ponies cheered, saying goodbye to Vanitas as they trickled out of the house. One pegasus with that appeared to be cross-eyed bumped her head on the top of the doorway on her way out.

“Goodbye!” Pinkie called behind them, waving.

“We must be off as well,” Rarity said. “I simply _must_ correct this fashion disaster.” She gestured to Vanitas, who would’ve been offended if it wasn’t for the fact that he agreed. _Finally,_ it was time for him to get his new outfit.

“Oh, I guess you need Sapphire, Azure, and Cerulean back, then…” The Floods had somehow found their way back to Fluttershy, who was practically radiating pathetic, disgusting sadness at him. He made the mistake of looking into her eyes. Those stupid _eyes!_ It was like being shot with a rainbow-sparkle-magic-glitter-fairy- _light_ cannon, and just as painful as getting hit by Aqua’s Spellweaver finish.

“You can…” _Go gorge your eyes out,_ he wanted to say. “…Keep them.”

And the pain stopped. Just like that.

“Really!?” Fluttershy exclaimed, sounded as excited as Pinkie Pie was on a regular basis.

“Yeah, whatever. I can make – I’ve got more,” Vanitas caught himself.

Fluttershy squealed happily, launching herself at him and – no, not knocking him over, for once – giving him a tight hug while standing on two legs. The Floods even copied her.

“Thank you! Oh, thank you! I’ll love them, and they’ll love me, and I’ll feed them ice cream every day, and we’ll be best friends forever!” Her voice rose in loudness and decibel level as she kept squeezing him. Vanitas wanted to hurl, but something about it felt… good? People with hearts of complete darkness didn’t get hugs. Weren’t supposed to be hugged. Didn’t _need_ to be hugged.

But he waited a few seconds before pushing her away, with a tiny bit more gentleness than he’d ever used before (which still wasn’t saying much). Rarity, AJ, and Twilight were smiling, Rainbow and Pinkie barely restraining laughter.

Vanitas wished desperately that he had his visor on to hide the fire in his cheeks. But the embarrassment didn’t end there – he was hugged by Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash (who thwacked him upside the head with her wing while laughing afterwards), and Twilight Sparkle one after the other. He didn’t move at all while they did so, just let his face heat up more and more.

The purple unicorn smiled at him afterwards.

“It was nice making friends with you, Vanitas,” she said warmly.

_Friends._ That puny Ventus had friends. _I’m better than him. I don’t need friends,_ Vanitas thought rebelliously. But with all those bright eyes staring back at him, he couldn’t think of anything wrong with it.

He almost smiled. Almost.

“Yeah,” he managed to cough out with what he hoped was a nonchalant nod.

“Ready to go, dear?” Rarity asked, and he nodded again.

“Don’t forget our deal!” Rainbow Dash called as they walked out the door. “I’m still ready to kick your human tail all the way to Cloudsdale!”

“Humans don’t have tails,” Vanitas said in a _“duh”_ voice, rolling his eyes and wondering what a Cloudsdale was. “And I’ll be the one kicking tail!” _Or slicing tail. Or shredding tail. Or pulverizing tail. Whatever works._

Rainbow was about to argue back, but Applejack covered her mouth.

“See ya ‘round, Vanitas,” she said.

“…Sure,” he replied. Why had he said that? _I never want to come back here. I’m just here for some new clothes,_ he told himself.

They said their (temporary?) goodbyes, and Vanitas followed Rarity to her fancy house, where she immediately began taking measurements and sorting through colors of fabric.

“No, not celadon or viridian… chartreuse is _definitely_ out… hmm, perhaps a violet?”

“This is taking _forever,”_ Vanitas complained while Rarity held up fabric swatches for him to see.

“Patience, dear. Your new ensemble must be _perfect.”_

After about two hours and fifty vetoed ideas, Rarity came up with a draft of a tight-fitting (but not nearly as tight as his suit), ruby-colored shirt with jagged short sleeves tipped with gold.

“That’s not too bad,” Vanitas relented. At least it was less frilly than everything else she’d suggested. Besides, he needed to hurry if he was going to make it to his showdown with Rainbow Dash.

Pleased by his approval, Rarity sketched a pair of black hakama to go with them, which instantly had Vanitas spitting objections.

“NO! NOT TERRA PANTS!” Where had she even come _up_ with that idea?

“Fine, settle down, no need to yell.” Rarity erased the pants even though she had no clue what he was talking about, replacing them with a pair of crisp ebony slacks.

Vanitas scowled as he wondered something. “Will I be able to fight in that?”

“Fight? You _did_ seem the warrior type…” With a look of concentration, she cleared the pants from the sketch again, this time replacing them with a sturdy-looking pair of black jeans and adding durable boots that covered them up to the knees. “This will have to do. It’s a shame, you would look lovely in dress pants, but I suppose they’d be difficult to keep clean while tromping around the Everfree Forest.”

A few more design changes – she added a blooming heart design in gold on the shirt, which she insisted on despite Vanitas’s objections that it looked girly, as well gold zippers that closed extra pockets in the pants.

Vanitas fidgeted while she cut shapes from her huge rolls of fabrics, using magic to wrap them around him and make them sew themselves together. It was all a rather efficient process until Rarity came to the boots, but recycling materials from a few of her older pairs yielded enough of the necessary materials.

Soon Vanitas was left staring at Rarity’s handiwork in something quite similar to awe. Even the swirling heart designs didn’t look quite as girly anymore.

“Why don’t you go change out of that horrid suit?” She gestured with her head towards a partition meant to try on clothes behind. Vanitas nodded and did as she asked, stripping off the clothes he had made before he could remove his suit, then dressing himself again.

Rarity beamed when he walked out.

“My goodness, you look _stunning!”_ She viewed him from all angles to make sure it was perfect. “The crimson compliments your eyes marvelously, and the gold designs were a fabulous idea. Elegant, yet not too flashy. It’s perfect for you.”

It would take some getting used to, particularly the short sleeves and breathing room, but Vanitas was pleased with the new outfit. It fit remarkably well for being Rarity’s first human design, and the colors were dark enough to match his style. He didn’t know what to say – he wasn’t used to thanking anyone, but he was honestly happy.

_No more looking like a Power Ranger!_

“Er, it’s great, Rarity,” he said awkwardly. “Thanks.”

“You’re most welcome,” the unicorn replied. It was worth the politeness to receive a hug from her.

Afterwards, they headed for the edge of the Everfree Forest together (Rarity wanted to make sure his new clothes were durable enough for the roughhousing that would certainly occur).

“Be careful,” she cautioned when the Forest came into view. Vanitas snorted.

“I don’t have to be careful. Nobody can beat me at anything,” he said arrogantly. _Except Aqua…_ But the unicorn didn’t need to know that.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Males and their superiority complexes…”

Rainbow Dash was already waiting, pacing impatiently with a look of proud determination on her face. Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Twilight were lounging around and chatting, having apparently decided to watch the competition as well.

“Yay! The show’s about to start!” Pinkie said in excitement, stuffing some popcorn in her mouth. “I _love_ shows! Especially comedies! Is this a comedy? Are Vani and Rainbow going to tell jokes? Or throw pies at each other? I _love_ pie! I even have pie in my name! But I bet I don’t taste as good as real pies…” She continued to ramble to herself.

“You ready to race, Vanitas?” Rainbow hoofed at the ground.

“Who said anything about racing?” Vanitas asked. What happened to a good old-fashioned fight to the death?

“What did you think we were going to do to see who’s better, have a staring contest?” Rainbow spat, flapping her wings.

“Ooh! I’m good at staring contests!” Pinkie wiggled her tail happily.

“I still don’t understand why one of you has to be better than the other,” Twilight said. “You can both be talented. Don’t you remember what happened when you raced Applejack?”

“She’s got a point, Rainbow,” AJ agreed. “You don’t gotta prove nothin’ to nopony.”

“I know I don’t have to prove anything,” said Rainbow, “I just want to see the look on his face when _I_ win the race.”

“Speed’s not the same as talent.” Vanitas sneered. “If you’re really so awesome, let’s have a test of skill. _If_ you’re up to it.”

“Of course I am! I have _way_ more skill in the air than anyone could have stuck on the ground.”

Vanitas smirked, chilling the ponies’ blood. “Who said I’m stuck to the ground?”

Summoning his keyblade, he threw it like a boomerang through the air and jumped on it skateboard-style when it flew back to him in glider form.

Applejack whistled in amazement.

“I have _got_ to study the magic behind that,” Twilight said.

“Psh, big deal,” Rainbow scoffed to hide her nervousness. “There’s no way you can out-fly _real_ wings.”

“We’ll see about that.”

With AJ and Twilight’s help, they settled on a rack with a few obstacles, to test both speed and skill, to be set up at Sweet Apple Acres.

The ponies and Vanitas all walked/flew there, and he, Fluttershy, and Rarity had a surprisingly civil conversation about his new outfit while Applejack and Pinkie marked the course. Twilight spent her time making sure Rainbow remembered to –

“Have fun and be a good sport,” Rainbow mimicked. “I know, I _know,_ alright?”

Twilight sighed. “I’m just not sure this is the best way to make Vanitas feel welcome. He seemed so on edge earlier…”

At the moment, Vanitas was relaxed and listening to Fluttershy admire his clothes.

“Yeah, _that’s_ edgy.” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “You’re too worried about offending anypony, or any _human,_ Twilight. A good competition never hurt anyone.”

“Maybe you’re right…”

Applejack got Fluttershy to shape some clouds into hoops for Vanitas and Rainbow to fly through while she and Pinkie marked the trees that they were to blow or knock apples off of. When they were finished, Pinkie claimed the job of announcer and flew overhead in the hot air balloon, and Rarity joined her for the view.

“Ready to eat my dust?” Vanitas smirked, hovering on his red-and-black glider.

“Nah, but tell me if my dust tastes good. I’ve always wondered about that.” Rainbow grinned.

“I bet it tastes like sugar and sparkly happiness,” he said with disgust, even though sugary foods actually tasted pretty good. “But luckily I won’t have to find out.”

Vanitas just managed to get in his last words and engage his mask before Applejack counted down to begin the race.

“Three… two… one…”

Rainbow and Vanitas blew past, knocking AJ’s hat off.

“Hold your horses, I didn’t say go!”

“Too late now…” Twilight sighed.

Vanitas bent his knees, squatting close to his glider to fit through the cloud-rings Fluttershy had constructed. The top of his helmet still brushed the tops of the hoops, streaking a bit of cloud across the sky every time he flew through one. He spun and zigzagged to follow the trail of rings, but Rainbow Dash’s agility kept her close to his metaphorical tail.

“Ooh, they’re fast!” Pinkie announced from the balloon. “But it looks like Vani’s faster! He’s leading by fifty-seven noses!”

“Pinkie, I believe there are more efficient forms of measurement than noses…” Rarity said.

“Like what? Feet? That would be silly! Who measures in feet?” Pinkie laughed. “Ooh, look at them now! Rainbow’s only twenty-four and two-thirds noses behind!”

Rainbow had put on an extra burst of speed – she hadn’t expected Vanitas’s glider to be _that_ fast. Still confident that he would stay in the lead, Vanitas looped over the top of a ring and flew through it again, smirking at Rainbow while he was upside-down. Of course, she couldn’t see it because of him mask, so it was a little less satisfying.

“Loop-de-Hoop!” Pinkie laughed hysterically. Rarity rolled her eyes.

Growling, Rainbow threaded through the cloud-rings, leaving a trail of her namesake behind her.

“Van, behind you!” Rarity called. “Oh, she better not mess up his outfit…”

Rainbow dashed past, knocking Vanitas off his glider from the shockwave, and he fell through the clouds, through the empty air, too close to the ground…

Pinkie Pie gasped fearfully. “Humans don’t have wings!” She yelled at Rarity, then to Vanitas, “Quick! Grow some wings!”

_If that was possible, I wouldn’t by_ falling _!_ Growling, Vanitas flipped himself upright, managing to guide his glider underneath him and land on his feet with less than a second to spare.

“Bravo!” Rarity applauded. “Bravo, dear!”

“That was cooler than… than… a cupcake with rainbow-chocolate-cherry sprinkles! With popcorn on top!”

But now Rainbow Dash was in the lead; she’d almost reached the apple orchard. Vanitas flew through the cloud-rings so fast that they dissipated behind him, gaining on his opponent, but she bolted even farther ahead. Her multicolored trail blocked Vanitas’s vision, blinding him and nearly knocking him off balance again.

“Goodness, they’re really getting into this competition,” Rarity commented.

“Duh, they’ve _been_ in the competition, silly. Dashy’s gonna be out of the competition and past the finish-start line soon, though, she’s even faster than Vani! Wow! Guess I should’ve seen that coming, since she _is_ the best flier in all Equestria…”

Vanitas would _not_ lose to that pegasus and be humiliated in front of everyone. Holding an arm out in front of him, he opened a dark corridor, cutting out the distance between him and the orchard.

“How did he do that? I’ve never seen teleportation magic like that before.” Twilight frowned thoughtfully from where she watched on the ground. “And from a human, too…”

“Hmm, sure is mighty strange.” Applejack still had a feeling something was off about him, regardless of what the others thought.

“Too slow,” Vanitas called behind him as he flew out yards ahead of Rainbow Dash, who nearly forgot to flap in shock.

_“Too slow!?”_ She flew so fast her eyes watered, turning into a colorful streak that blew the apples right off the trees. _“Nobody_ calls the Super-Awesome Rainbow Dash too _slow!”_

She accelerated lightning-fast, holding both forelegs out straight in front of her. A thundering blast shook the ground and air-tossed Vanitas’s glider as she exploded into a full-blown Sonic Rainboom. Vanitas was breathless – he clung to his glider with both hands, trying to pull himself back into a standing position. His jaw dropped as he watched her clean the trees of apples, and even more impressively, cause a giant colorful mushroom cloud to erupt behind her and explode into the _biggest freaking rainbow_ Vanitas had ever seen.

And he’d thought rainbows weren’t cool.

“A Sonic Rainboom!” Pinkie smiled just as brightly as she did the other three times she’d seen one. “It’s so pretty! And now Dashy’s winning by over a _thousand_ noses!”

“Yes, but poor Van…” Rarity couldn’t help murmuring.

Shaking his head, Vanitas made an attempt to blow the apples off of his designated trees by spiraling around each one, but it wasn’t nearly as effective as Rainbow’s method.

It was over. He’d lost.

Rainbow Dash looped back around to cross the finish/start line, bowing smugly as the other ponies stomped their feet in the pony form of applause. Rarity and Pinkie Pie landed the balloon.

“That was spectac-amaze-erful!” Pinkie bounced. “I needed a word even _more_ amazing than amazing, so I made one up!”

“Thank you, thank you,” Rainbow said, grinning and bowing more.

“Where’s Vanitas?” Fluttershy asked, noticing that her Floods seemed to be sulking.

“Yeah, I need to gloat at him.”

Applejack frowned. “That ain’t right, Rainbow.” She might not particularly like the human, but there was no need to be rude.

“I can’t hear his glider,” Twilight said, pacing.

“Oh, dear, I hope he’s alright…” Rarity fretted. “Could the Sonic Rainbow have injured him?”

Now Rainbow Dash looked a little guilty. “I’ve never hurt anypony with it before.”

Fluttershy studied the Floods closely, whispering in their antennae.

“He’s not hurt,” she said afterwards.

“Thank goodness,” said Rarity.

Fluttershy frowned. “But something’s still wrong…”

“Well, let’s go find him and figure out what it is,” AJ said decisively.

“Yay! Vani-hunting!” Pinkie cheered. “Whatever’s wrong, we can fix it! We’re his friends!”

Meanwhile, Vanitas landed his glider atop the same cliff he’d met Fluttershy on.

“I _lost!_ I can’t believe I lost to a freaking _pony!”_ He yelled, kicking a rock off of the cliff. He’d never be able to show his face in Equestria again. “Why do I care, anyway? It’s not like I _want_ to see them again.”

He sat down, throwing off his mask. It was humiliating. Even worse than losing to Aqua. At least Aqua was a trained Keyblade Master, and there hadn’t been an audience to see his embarrassing defeat.

“I should just get out of this stupid place. I got my ice cream, I got my clothes. There’s nothing else here for me.”

“Hey, who’re ya callin’ “nothin’ else”?”

Vanitas whipped around to see the six ponies staring at him. He stared back. Clearly he was losing it; letting them sneak up on him. How did they find him, anyway?

“That’s not what I meant,” he blurted inexplicably. What was he saying? He didn’t really want to see them, did he?

So what if he did?

“’Course you didn’t.” Applejack grinned.

“Are you leaving already?” Fluttershy asked, eyes wide.

“Why didn’t you say goodbye?”

“You just flew off!”

“We were worried!”

“What about your goodbye party?”

All of the ponies’ faces, even Rainbow Dash’s, were filled with caring and worry. Somehow, his hard, cold, dark heart was touched. And it didn’t feel so bad.

“You… don’t think I’m a loser?” He asked in confusion.

AJ walked up to him. “Now why the hay would we think that?”

“I lost,” he deadpanned.

Rarity smiled warmly. “That doesn’t make you a loser, dear.”

“You were the toughest opponent I’ve ever raced,” Rainbow said. “And you don’t even have wings!”

Vanitas was still a little sulky, but not quite as much as before.

“I have so much to report to Princess Celestia,” Twilight said happily. “Thank you, Vanitas.”

“And thank you for Azure, Sapphire, and Cerulean,” Fluttershy repeated. The three Floods looked much happier now that they were in the presence of their former master, though they still stayed close to Fluttershy.

Vanitas nodded at them in reply. “I’m leaving now.”

“Now?”

“Already?”

“But your goodbye party!”

“Don’t get your tails in a knot; I’ll be back,” Vanitas found himself saying. “You better have some ice cream for me.”

The other ponies laughed and crowded around him in a group hug that was surprisingly enjoyable. But Vanitas still had to leave. Xehanort would chew him out if he stayed much later.

“Be safe, Van,” Rarity said. “And take care of your new outfit!”

Vanitas magically reclothed himself in his old suit so Rarity’s gift wouldn’t be confiscated, leaving the new clothes somewhere in hammerspace.

“Taken care of,” he replied, putting his helmet back on.

The ponies said their last goodbyes as Vanitas walked through a dark corridor.

XXX

“You look happy,” Xehanort said curiously when Vanitas returned to the Keyblade Graveyard.

“Enjoy terrorizing some helpless natives, did ya?” Braig asked, adjusting his eyepatch.

“Easy. I’ve never seen such stupid weaklings,” Vanitas lied easily, but he couldn’t help frowning under his mask. They really weren’t so stupid. They were… decent company. Compared to Xehanort and Braig at least.

Vanitas was already planning his next vacation.


	2. Cutie Mark Crusading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did Fluttershy trust Vanitas to foalsit the Cutie Mark Crusaders? And why do they care so much about their butt-tattoos?

Kingdom Hearts forbid Vanitas’s second “vacation” to Ponyville would be any less chaotic than the first.

It started with Fluttershy being “Sooo sorry to ask, but…” and led to him glowering here, in the middle of the pegasus’ cottage, surrounded by three bouncing fillies.

“I’ll only be gone a moment,” Fluttershy had promised. That was at least five minutes ago, but to an impatient Vanitas, it felt like five hours.

“So you’re helping Fluttershy foal-sit us?” The tiny white unicorn asked. Fluttershy had informed him that she was Sweetie Bell, Rarity’s little sister. Sadly she didn’t share her big sister’s gift for flattery.

“Unfortunately,” Vanitas grumbled.

“Is it true that you almost beat Rainbow Dash in a race?” The orange pegasus, Scootaloo, asked. Her fuchsia tail twitched eagerly.

“My big sister Applejack says you tried to cheat,” interjected the yellow filly with a huge pink bow, Apple-something (Vanitas had lost interest by the time Fluttershy got to her name). “Maybe you woulda’ won if you’d played fair.”

“Are you kidding? _Nopony_ beats Rainbow Dash!”

“My big sis almost did that one time—”

“That was a tie, it doesn’t count!”

“Tying is almost!”

Vanitas plugged his ears to block out their argument. “Why, _why_ did I get roped into this…? Someday Fluttershy is going to pay…”

“I wonder if we can get our cutie marks in arguing.” Sweetie Bell sighed.

Vanitas looked at the three fillies’ flanks – completely bare. “How come you brats don’t have your butt-tattoos?”

“We’re not brats!” Sweetie Bell protested, but Scootaloo, who hadn’t caught the whole question, answered, “ ‘Cause we haven’t found our special talents yet.”

Vanitas stared.

“He’s a human; they don’t get cutie marks,” Apple-whatever reminded the other two. “Why don’t we sing our Cutie Mark Crusader Anthem to explain it to him?”

“Yeah!” The other two agreed.

Vanitas wasn’t in the mood for a musical number, but Scootaloo counted off, “And a one, and a two, and a one – two – three – four – ”

Even though Vanitas still had his ears covered, he could hear Scootaloo’s out-of-tune singing. _“Look, here, are three little ponies, ready to sing for this crowd, listen up, 'cause here's our story, I'm gonna sing it—”_

“Really _LOUD_!” All three screamed at the top of their surprisingly powerful lungs.

Scootaloo jumped onto Fluttershy’s couch and struck a dramatic pose, almost knocking over a weird lamp that resembled a dragon wearing a tutu. _“When you’re a_ _younger pony, and your flank is very bare, feels like the sun will never come when your cutie mark’s not there—”_

“Okay, okay! Shut up, I get it!” He didn’t really, but Vanitas couldn’t stand the pegasus’ singing. Unfortunately, she was singing so loud nopony heard him.

_“So the three of us will fight the fight, there is nothing that we fear – we’ll have to figure out what we’ll do next—”_

_“Till our cutie marks are here!”_ The other two joined in, and Vanitas couldn’t help noticing that Sweetie Bell’s voice made the song slightly more tolerable. “ _We are the Cutie Mark Crusaders, on a quest to find out who we are, and we will never stop the journey, not until we have our cutie marks!”_

They finished together, beaming white smiles at Vanitas. When he just stared at them, hands still over his ears, their smiles wilted slightly.

“Well?” Apple-something asked.

“Wasn’t it awesome?” Scootaloo fluttered her tiny wings, which probably wouldn’t have enough lift to get even a moogle off the ground.

In response Vanitas gave a sarcastic clap, but they took it as sincere.

“Maybe we could get our cutie marks in singing,” Apple-whatever suggested.

Scootaloo pouted, dropping onto her haunches and crossing her front legs. “I already tried that, remember?”

“Well we didn’t,” Apple-whatever countered.

Vanitas snorted. “If any of you have a chance at singing for your ‘special talent,’ it’s that one.” He pointed at Sweetie Bell, who blushed.

“I don’t know about that…”

“Well, you _are_ a really good singing,” Apple-whatever said encouragingly.

“Yeah,” Scootaloo said with only a hint of her earlier sulkiness. “We should get _you_ to sing a wicked rock ballad! How awesome would that be?”

Vanitas chuckled. “I might actually find that entertaining.”

“We should all find our cutie marks together,” Sweetie Bell said to move the conversation away from her.

Scootaloo sighed heavily. “But it feels like we’ve tried _everything.”_

“You’re not giving up, are you?” Apple-whatever asked incredulously.

“No way!” Scootaloo jumped off the couch, using her tiny wings to almost-float down. “But we need more ideas. Awesome ideas!”

The three fillies exchanged glances, then simultaneously turned their huge, shiny eyes on Vanitas.

“You’ll help us get our cutie marks, won’t you, Vani?” Sweetie Bell pleaded.

He crossed his arms, covering up the golden heart pattern on the shirt Rarity had made him. Seriously, who did these ponies think he was? He didn’t go around doing nice things for no reason. Or _any_ reason.

“Why should I help you get some magical butt-tattoos?”

“ ‘Cause it’s our _destiny,”_ Scootaloo declared dramatically, throwing herself at Vanitas’s feet. His nose wrinkled in disgust.

“And… you owe Rarity for making you those clothes,” Sweetie Bell added after thinking a moment.

“And it’ll be fun!” Apple-whatever finished.

Their combined hope and light hit Vanitas like a ton of bricks. He winced but said, “No way, there is _no way_ I’m giving in to you brats’ light—”

“We’ll love you _forever,”_ Scootaloo promised, still clinging to his leg.

They turned their eyes up to high-sparkle, with a fatal level of heart-rays.

“AGHH STOP IT STOP IT!” Vanitas shouted, falling back onto the couch and crumpling into a ball. Scootaloo fell off of his leg. “Jumping into the Void would be easier than this… I swear, I am _never_ coming back here ever again…”

“I think we broke him,” Sweetie Bell whispered.

Broken? _No, they can’t break me. I’m better than this._ He had been about to open a dark corridor and get as far away as possible, but now his pride wouldn’t allow it.

“I’m fine,” Vanitas said stubbornly, even though his heart felt like it had been scoured with bleach and steel wool. And maybe even a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. He took a deep breath and stood up, drinking a potion he pulled out of nowhere. “Let’s just get you three some butt-tattoos so I can leave.”

“Cutie marks,” Apple-something corrected.

“Whatever.”

XXX

So they needed to find their special talents? Easy. Anyone could be good at anything, if given enough motivation. Like trying to keep yourself from dying. Of course, that hadn’t worked for Ventus, and that’s how Vanitas had come to be. But he was sure even three little ponies were less lame than Ventus.

“So what are we getting our cutie marks in?” Scootaloo asked after Vanitas led them outside.

“You’ll see.” Vanitas smirked and snapped his fingers, and three Floods appeared.

“Holy guacamole!” Apple-whatever yelped, jumping away from them.

“Calm down, Apple Bloom.” Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “They’re just Fluttershy’s pets.”

“We already tried to get our cutie marks in caring for animals,” Sweetie Bell said hopelessly.

“What? Oh.” Vanitas sighed loudly. “These aren’t _pets._ They’re creatures of darkness and nega- _seriously?”_

Sweetie Bell giggled as one of the Floods nuzzled her. _Giggled. Nuzzled._ Vanitas seriously considered terminating every single Flood in existence and fabricating some new species of Unversed. Anything that would _actually act like a terrifying monster._

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the old three Floods Vanitas had left with Fluttershy came bounding out of the miniature house she had built for them.

“Here, Cerulean!” Scootaloo whistled. The smallest Flood bounced over to her and waggled its butt. “Sorry, no treats today.”

The Floods shouldn’t still exist. After Vanitas left, Fluttershy’s light should have slowly weakened them until they faded completely. Instead, they seemed healthier than ever.

“Something is seriously wrong with those idiots,” Vanitas muttered under his breath. _Or with me…_

He sighed as the three fillies cuddled the six Floods. So there wasn’t chance they could get their cutie marks in Unversed-killing, then. _At least, not_ these _Unversed…_

“Time for plan B. Follow me,” he ordered the ponies. The Floods sulked back to Fluttershy’s house when he mentally dismissed them.

“Where are we goin’?” Apple Bloom asked, glancing between Vanitas and the dark woods they were nearing.

“Everfree Forest. My place,” he remembered to add, since that was the lie he’d established on his previous visit.

“You _live_ there?” Scootaloo asked with a mixture of fear and awe.

“Yeah,” Vanitas replied. Was that lame forest really that scary? Their moms probably told them stories to make them too afraid to go there.

“Uh… are you sure we should go in there? I mean, after what happened last time…” Sweetie Bell trailed off.

“We’ve got Vani this time!” Scootaloo smiled, whacking him in a way that was probably supposed to be friendly. “You can beat up whatever monsters try to leap out at us, right?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said with a shrug. Giant monsters were no big deal. He’d just send them running with one of his own giant monsters.

In front of them loomed the treeline of the Everfree Forest. Vanitas didn’t pause to give the fillies a chance to gather their courage.

“I don’t know ‘bout this…” Apple Bloom said, but Scootaloo pulled her along. Tentatively Sweetie Bell took up the rear.

Sure, the woods were dark, and the vines and thorns were kind of annoying around Vanitas’s ankles, but there wasn’t anything really _scary_ about the Everfree Forest. How could these ponies be so afraid of this place and not of his Unversed?

“So what’s the deal with this place?” asked Vanitas.

“You live here,” Apple Bloom said, “don’t you know?”

He snorted. “What’s _scary_ about it? To you, I mean. I’m not scared of anything.” Except maybe Aqua, but again, they didn’t need to know that.

“Nothing,” Scootaloo said as bravely as she could. “I’m not scared of anything either.”

“Well _I_ am,” whispered Sweetie Bell from the back of the group. “Of cockatrices, and hydras, and timberwolves, and—”

“Be quiet, Sweetie Bell,” Scootaloo whispered back to her. “You don’t want Vani to think you’re a sissy, do you?”

“I don’t care,” Apple Bloom said to them. “I just want to get our cutie marks and get out of here.”

Vanitas rolled his eyes. They _were_ a bunch of sissies, except maybe Scootaloo. But her courage couldn’t make up for her flightless wings. What good was a pegasus who couldn’t even get off the ground?

Well, if they could prove themselves by getting through this forest, and by surviving the little surprise he had planned, maybe they would be worth his time.

He used his keyblade to sever tree branches from their trunks and Fira spells to incinerate thorns around his feet. At least if they did get lost, which Vanitas didn’t regard as a possibility considering his excellent directional skills, the destruction would leave a clear path back to Fluttershy’s cottage.

“How far are we going?” whined Sweetie Bell.

“This is _boring,”_ Scootaloo added. “We haven’t even seen a timberwolf yet. Or a hydra.”

“Do you want to?” Apple Bloom asked, now at the back of the group. Vanitas was fine with this; if anything _did_ manage to sneak up on them, she was the one he cared least about getting eaten.

Of course, any or all of them might get eaten anyway, if they didn’t stand up to his test.

“This _is_ boring,” Vanitas agreed with Scootaloo. “I thought you said this place was deadly. We haven’t seen anything more deadly than a couple of pointy sticks.” He blasted some of said sticks with a Thundara spell, since the constant Firas were taking too long to reload in his command deck.

“It _is_ deadly,” Sweetie Bell said. “We’re lucky we haven’t seen anything dangerous yet.”

Not so lucky, by Vanitas’s standards. He needed a little bit of deadly in this dull place.

“I’ll send out some Floods to make sure everything’s safe, just in case our luck doesn’t hold,” Vanitas said. With a wave of his hand, three of the dark blue creatures materialized and scampered off into the foliage ahead. “Here’s your chance to prove yourselves, idiots,” he muttered to his minions.

In reality, their job was the exact opposite of what he had told the fillies.   He guessed that the only thing keeping the forest’s monsters at bay was his darkness, which had to be much more powerful than that of anything on this peaceful world. The Floods, however, could provoke a monster to chase after them, and then Vanitas would finally see if any of the ponies could have the special talent of monster-fighting.

Now _that_ would be a cool butt-tattoo.

“What’s taking them so long?” Vanitas muttered to himself about five minutes later. He thought this job was simple enough to trust the dumbest of his creations, but maybe they’d ran into some other heart-ray-spewing pony. He thought he heard some roars off in the distance, though, so maybe they were on their way back. They’d better be quick; he didn’t want to tromp around this stupid forest forever. The trees blocked out too much light to tell what time it was, but he didn’t want to be out too late and risk Xehanort getting on his case.

“Look out!” Apple Bloom yelled from behind, snapping Vanitas’s thoughts. He turned to look, thinking the threat was behind them, but his boot caught on a root and he tripped backwards into a patch of… flowers?

“Oof!” “Hey!” Sweetie Bell and Scootaloo tumbled on top of him. The latter sneezed from the cloud of pollen that had become airborne.

“What was that for?” Vanitas growled. “If you stopped us just to admire the scenery, I’m going to see how pretty that bow looks tied around your neck.”

His threat was lost on her. “Get up! Out of there!” She insisted frantically. “That’s poison joke!”

“Poison _what?”_ He certainly didn’t feel poisoned. In fact, he wasn’t picking up on any status conditions at all.

“Will y’all just _listen_ to me?” She pleaded. “Sweetie! Scoots! Get up!” Still she made no effort to help them up herself.

“Urgh… what did you say this is…?” Scootaloo rubbed her head and sluggishly pulled a disoriented Sweetie Bell out of the flowers.

“Poison joke! Y’know, the stuff ev’rypony thought was a curse?”

Sweetie Bell’s eyes widened. “You mean _this_ was what made Rarity get all hairy?”

“Still don’t know what you’re talking about,” Scootaloo said. “I feel fine. Well, except where I hit my head…”

Vanitas stood up and brushed the blue petals off of his disheveled clothes. The one downside of them compared to his suit was that these clothes weren’t magically dirt-, tear-, and stain-resistant.

“Quick! I gotta get y’all to Zecora before the effects set in!”

_“What_ effects?” Vanitas demanded. Apple Bloom was already leading the other two fillies back the way they’d come.

“I don’ know – it’s diff’rent from pony to pony,” she replied quickly. “Twilight’s horn got sick. Applejack shrunk to the size of an apple. Rainbow Dash couldn’t fly straight-”

Vanitas snickered at that.

“It’s not funny!” Scootaloo defended her idol.

“The point is, Zecora knows how to cure it, and we gotta find her! C’mon!”

Rolling his eyes, Vanitas followed the panicked ponies. They were all idiots, not fit to be his minions. Honestly, what could a _flower_ do against someone as awesome as him? If anything, they should be afraid of the roars, snarls, and growls that apparently only he could hear getting closer by the second.

He was wondering if he should give the ponies a heads-up, when Scootaloo rose into the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Be Continued… >:D
> 
> Vanitas is so fun to write. I have even more ideas for this than when I first started, so while they might not be fast updates because I occasionally have a life and these chapters tend to get long, I do plan on having quite a few more chapters of this.
> 
> Also, I don’t own the Cutie Mark Crusader theme song. It’s on the episode “The Show Stoppers”.


	3. Sick Joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poison Joke picks its favorites. Vanitas isn't one of them.

Scootaloo squealed as she floated up through the layers of tangled braches. Well, Vanitas would use the word “floated,” even though floating was typically too gentle to force a pony up through several layers of branches.

“Somepony do somethin’!” Apple Bloom yelled. Vanitas figured that was directed towards him, since she and Sweetie Bell were completely useless.

“I’m not a pony,” Vanitas muttered, but he morphed his keyblade into glider form anyway. No point having to explain to Fluttershy how he lost one of the fillies if it wouldn’t benefit him at all.

Why didn’t he remember his helmet and suit before he was halfway to the gravity-defying filly? He cursed as twigs and vines lashed his face and reduced his once-awesome clothes to rags.

After clearing the canopy, Vanitas barreled into Scootaloo at a speed (he hoped) would have put Rainbow Dash to shame. Even when he spun his glider into a steep dive, the orange pegasus seemed to be trying to pull them back into the air, like she was filled with helium. Could the poison joke possibly have done this?

“That was totally _awesome!”_ Scootaloo yelled, held under one of Vanitas’s arms. “Did you see that? I was _flying!_ It was cool as I imagined, even-”

Vanitas stopped the glider above the tree line, which was slightly harder than usual with Scootaloo’s anti-gravity. “You really are an idiot. If you kept floating up at that rate, you would have eventually suffocated from the lack of oxygen in the upper atmosph-”

Sweetie Bell’s and Apple Bloom’s screams interrupted Vanitas’s lecture. Rolling his eyes and summoning his helmet (better late than never), he plunged back into the forest with Scootaloo in tow.

His Floods had somehow been successful for once: a pack of timberwolves surrounded the two terrified ponies. Or at least he assumed they were timberwolves – though he had never met one before, they _were_ wolves made out of timber, so the name certainly fit.

“ _Vani_!” Sweetie Bell cried, but what was wrong with her voice? It was like she’d tried to sing his not-name.

“Ugh, I have no reason to save their worthless tails…” So why was he speeding towards them, casting off a volley of Firaga spells to incinerate most of the wooden monsters? He landed, morphed his glider into keyblade form, and sliced off a low-hanging vine to tie Scootaloo to a tree, where she hung like a reverse piñata.

“Stand back, these stick piles are nothing for a heart of-”

He stopped midsentence for two reasons: the timberwolves weren’t waiting for him to monologue, and a burning pain in his chest brought him to his knees. No, “pain” was too light a word. This was sheer fiery agony, the scale of which he had only experienced once before… the first time the Unversed had sprung from him.

But he had since been dulled to that pain. So why was he feeling it so clearly now?

_“Vani, get up!”_ Sweetie Bell sang. Sang?

“The timberwolves!” Apple Bloom yelled, like he’d forgotten about the monsters exhaling their smelly breath in his face. But they were insignificant compared to the pain consuming him.

A timberwolf lunged for his face at the same time a shadowy creature materialized from his chest. The dark purple creature with narrow red eyes intercepted the timberwolf, driving it back with the singular horn protruding from its forehead.

A unicorn. A purple unicorn. Even though it actually looked somewhat intimidating, Vanitas’s pride would’ve been destroyed forever if anyone else ever saw it.

That was, if Vanitas even lived to create more of them. The pain was making everything fuzzy around the edges… The only thing he could focus on clearly was Sweetie Bell’s melodious singing voice, though he had no idea why she would be singing at a time like this.

The agony didn’t lessen as more purple unicorn Unversed burst from Vanitas’s body, their flowing blue manes studded with ice crystals. Green pegasi with stormy manes and dull pink earth ponies with flaming tails followed them.

_I’m sick. No, I’m dying. This can’t be happening…_

Was this supposed to be a joke? ‘Cause he wasn’t laughing.

The Unversed kept spilling out, like dark vomit from Vanitas’s sick heart. He fought just to stay conscious, but now he couldn’t even hold on to Sweetie Bell’s voice, much less the terrified screams of Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.

_Looks like they’re gonna have to try their hooves and monster-fighting anyway._

He gave up fighting the pain clawing at his heart and tumbled into dark unconsciousness.

XXX

Warmth was the first sensation Vanitas awoke to. Well, that and the sense that he was soaking wet, his heart still felt like it had gone through a blender, and he was naked. Upon realizing this last detail, he quickly summoned his suit and opened his eyes.

“Where are my clothes?” He demanded before taking in his surroundings. He was soaking in a large wooden tub filled with bubbles inside what looked like a large hut carved within a tree. Several ponies had their eyes on him, including the Cutie Mark Crusaders (Scootaloo was still floating from a vine tied to a knot in the wood wall) and Fluttershy, who looked worried out of her mind. Despite his threat to Xehanort that he would go naked, Vanitas felt strangely affronted at the thought that the ponies had been staring at him.

“Alas, your clothes were too far gone. But you’ve found something new to put on,” said a black-and-white striped pony (zebra, he supposed) whom Vanitas didn’t recognize.

“I’m not a pony. Humans don’t go strutting around without clothes,” Vanitas informed her.

“With a pelt so sadly bare, I can see why clothing you must wear.” Was she smirking? Yes, she was. _Great, now I’m even getting teased by a zebra_. This had to make Top Five in the list of Worst Days of His Life.

“Shut up, zebra,” he muttered.

She stuck up her nose at him. “There’s no need to be so rude. Show a little gratitude! Zecora is my given name, and you from the poison joke I saved.”

_“Can you save us too now, Miss Zecora?”_ Sweetie Bell sang. _“I know it’s my special talent, but I don’t want to sing foreveeeeer!”_ She held the last note.

Zecora nodded. “Hop into the bubble bath, if you don’t mind this ingrate’s wrath.”

“I have clothes on now. I don’t care.” Vanitas rolled his eyes as Sweetie Bell jumped into the tub, splashing soapy water in his face.

“Scootaloo, do you want us to give you a hoof?” She asked, no longer singing.

“And give up this?” Scootaloo replied, buzzing around in circles and doing barrel rolls in midair. Annoying how poison joke seemed to play favorites.

“This is not a game to play. You need to be cured right away.”

“Aww,” Scootaloo moaned, wings hanging limply at her sides. Together Fluttershy and Zecora pulled her down far enough to shove her under the water.

“I’m sorry, Scootaloo,” Fluttershy apologized. “I should have been more gentle.”

The now-flightless pegasus sighed. “It’s fine, Fluttershy. I just wish… whatever.” She flipped her wet mane out of her face and sank deeper into the water.

“You’ll learn how to fly for real someday. I know it!” Apple Bloom said to cheer her friend up.

“And you were great when you _were_ flying,” Sweetie Bell added. “We never would’ve gotten out of there without you.”

“Wait, what happened?” Vanitas asked. He’d been unconscious during most of the timberwolf attack. How had they escaped?

“It was awesome!” Scootaloo perked up. “Apple Bloom bucked one of them in the face, like POW! And I dive-bombed some, but wood’s really hard to kick and they weren’t running away, but then those shadow ponies started coming out of you and we were like WOAH! And they scared off the timberwolves but they were being really scary, and Sweetie Bell tried talking to them only she was singing, and all the shadow ponies started listening and being lots less scary-”

“Can I tell the rest?” Sweetie Bell interrupted.

“But I was just getting to the best part!” Scootaloo pouted.

“Well, the best part _was_ about her,” Apple Bloom pointed out.

“Aww, fine,” the pegasus relented.

“I sang to the shadow ponies and they seemed to like it, so I kept singing. While I was singing I tied Scootaloo to you, and that made you light enough for me and Apple Bloom to carry you on our backs.”

“We were awesome,” Scootaloo said, smacking hooves with Apple Bloom.

“Cutie Mark Crusader Vani Carriers!” She replied.

Sweetie Bell continued, “I sang while we carried you, and the shadow ponies followed my voice until I sang at them to go away. And that was when—”

Scootaloo began a drumroll by beating her wings,

“I got my cutie mark!” Sweetie Bell beamed and brushed some bubbles away with her tail, revealing a curly purple music note printed on her flank. “And it’s all thanks to you, Vani!” She hugged him around his middle.

“And I got to fly because of you!” Scootaloo joined in the hug.

“And… well, you made my friends happy, so I’m happy too,” Apple Bloom finished.

Vanitas wasn’t sure what to do. There was that warmth again, like light except it didn’t burn. He looked up at Fluttershy, who was smiling at him in an “all’s well that ends well” sort of way.

“I… told you I’d help you get your butt tattoos,” Vanitas finally said, ruffling their wet manes.

“But me and Scootaloo still don’t have ours,” Apple Bloom reminded him.

“Eh, we’ll worry about you later. One out of three’s pretty good for one day.” Vanitas closed his eyes and sank deeper in the bubble bath. He’d have to make himself one of these again soon; he never knew some water and soap could feel so good. It was almost like he was bathing in a giant elixir. “You said you kicked a timberwolf in the face, right?”

“Well, I said it, but she did,” Scootaloo said.

“Whatever. Anyway, maybe you two _could_ get cutie marks in monster-fighting.”

“That would be the coolest!” Scootaloo cheered, splashing the other ponies with her happily fluttering wings.

“But first I’ve gotta get some new clothes.”

XXX

After thanking Zecora for her hospitality, Fluttershy led Vanitas and the Cutie Mark Crusaders back to Ponyville.

“I’m glad all of you had a good time, but no more playing in the Everfree Forest,” she said. No amount of complaining, arguing, or pleading would change her mind. “Don’t make me use _the stare.”_

“Pfft, ‘ _the stare’_?” Vanitas chuckled. “You’re not serious, are you?”

“Don’t make her use it,” Apple Bloom warned.

“Yeah, she looked a cockatrice straight in the eyes with that stare before!” Scootaloo said.

“Well I’m tougher than a stupid bird-snake thing,” Vanitas boasted. “Do your worst.”

“Oh, I’d rather not,” Fluttershy said softly. “I only use it in case of emergencies.”

“Don’t pretend you could actually hurt me. I’m _way_ stronger than that.”

“I’m sorry, Vani. I just can’t do it.”

“Not even if I... threatened your bunny?” Vanitas summoned his keyblade and pointed it at the tiny white bunny on Fluttershy’s back.

She didn’t have time to even attempt her stare before the bunny launched itself at Vanitas’s face, furiously clawing his skin. He sputtered in shock before peeling the animal off and dropping it back on Fluttershy.

“You should get that thing checked for rabies,” Vanitas said, rubbing his face. The pain was barely noticeable compared to the pain he felt on an everyday basis, but he’d rather not get a disease.

“Oh, no, Angel’s perfectly healthy. He just doesn’t like having giant weapons pointed at him. I wouldn’t, either.” Fluttershy didn’t give him _the stare,_ but she did give him a look that said he’d be in trouble if he tried something like that again.

“Tch, like I’d waste my energy on a stupid bunny.”

When they reached Fluttershy’s cottage, Vanitas and Sweetie Bell parted ways with the other ponies since they both needed to go to Carousel Boutique. As they were walking, though, Sweetie Bell’s head seemed to droop. Vanitas would’ve ignored her, but her pace slowed until he couldn’t take it anymore.

“You’ll never get to show your sister your butt tattoo if you don’t hurry up.”

“Cutie mark,” she corrected with a sigh. “And now that I have one, what if I can’t be a Cutie Mark Crusader anymore? What if my friends don’t want me…?”

Vanitas stopped and rolled his eyes. _“That’s_ what you’re worried about? You three are as close as Terra, Aqua, and Ventus. You’d be an idiot to think they’d forget about you just ‘cause you grew up a little faster. Are you an idiot?”

Sweetie Bell wiped her damp eyes. “No.”

“Good. Then let’s go see your sister.”

XXX

Vanitas couldn’t tell whether Rarity squeed more upon seeing him back or upon seeing her sister’s cutie mark.

“Oh, Sweetie! It’s _fabulous!”_ She hugged Sweetie Bell so tightly she couldn’t breathe. “That violet compliments your mane spectacularly-”

“Can’t- breathe-”

Rarity didn’t hear her, but after a few more moments of fashion-rambling and proud-sister-rambling, she let go of her sister to focus her attention on Vanitas.

“Dear, where are the clothes I made for you?” Rarity asked, and a worried look crossed her face. “Did you not like them?”

He rolled his eyes at her insecurity. “Of course I liked them. That’s why I’m here.”

He explained what had happened to his clothes, with input from Sweetie Bell about some of the more dangerous parts of their adventure. After scolding them both for being so reckless, Rarity agreed to make Vanitas a new set of clothes as a thank you for helping her sister get her cutie mark.

“Those old clothes were so three weeks ago, anyway,” she said to console herself, but at Vanitas’s insistence she agreed to make an identical copy of the outfit, minus the still-intact boots. “Fine, two sets of clothes. With all the trouble you get into you could use a spare anyway…”

“I don’t need _more_ clothes,” Vanitas clarified. “I just need a replacement.”

“Darling, you can’t just walk around wearing the same ensemble every day, even if it is my spectacular design,” Rarity pointed out. “Two outfits is still rather limiting… hmm, something really must be done about this…”

Vanitas wanted a more practical set of clothes, but since Rarity had already agreed to remake his previous outfit, she felt she deserved free reign to experiment. At least she already had the patterns for shirts and pants from his last visit, which saved him the trouble of being measured again. She went right in to trying various hats (didn’t show off his amazing hair enough), ties (choked him too much), bow ties (looked pretty classy, but still choked him too much), button-up shirts (who has time to button a shirt?), and sweaters (“Don’t let that scratchy thing touch me _ever again.”)_. Naturally, Vanitas objected to everything.

“I told you, nothing too fancy. I need stuff I can be awesome in.”

Rarity gave a girlish snort, rolling her eyes under her red work glasses. “So much like Rainbow Dash… these ideas aren’t for your street clothes. I thought it would be excellent if you had some formal attire, in case I would like to invite you to an occasion with high-class Canterlot ponies… Oh, just think of how fascinated they would be to meet the only human in all of Equestria! They would adore us… imagine the balls with handsome stallions, the yacht clubs, the dinner parties…”

Vanitas couldn’t care less about handsome stallions, or mares for that matter, but he perked up when she said ‘dinner.’ “Do fancy ponies make good food?”

“…premiers—oh, I suppose so—but the atmosphere! The class! Wouldn’t you love to attend?” She asked dreamily.

“Sure, whatever.” Free food was free food; he couldn’t care less if it was cooked by royal ponies or peasants. “Long as you don’t choke me with the tie.”

Rarity’s final design for Vanitas’s formal attire involved a red long-sleeved button-up shirt, black dress slacks, a matching suit jacket, and a black silk tie in a loose Double Windsor under his collar. It took a remarkably short amount of time for her to turn her sketches into reality. Much as he hated to admit it, unicorn magic could do some useful things that his own magic couldn’t.

Now that his fancy clothes were finished and a few alterations were made (a small and useless pocket over his heart, tinted sunglasses that looked cool and gave him the comforting sensation that he was looking through his mask), they could finally start on what Rarity called his “street clothes.”

“I’m thinking something violet for a change of pace; that with gold accents would look so royal…” Rarity trailed off, rummaging through a pile of fabric swatches. Vanitas yawned and scratched his neck where the collar of his new shirt was rubbing his skin. Still, without the jacket it was more comfortable than his skin-tight suit. With the jacket was another story. Vanitas debated whether or not the free food was worth it.

“How much longer is this gonna take?” Speaking of food, he was getting hungry. It had to be past lunch time.

“Not long at all; let’s just see which of these fabrics you think is—”

A huge crash from outside cut her off, and Sweetie Bell galloped wide-eyed into the room.

“Sweetie Bell, what in Equestria are you-?”

“Window—Shadows—Vani—Look!” She gasped out, shaking from fear.

Rarity dropped her fabric swatches and rushed to the window, while Vanitas followed at a more leisurely pace. It only took one of the four words to give him an idea of the situation.

Shadows. Vanitas’s pony Unversed had made it out of the Everfree Forest and into Ponyville.

A quick glance out the window confirmed this annoying fact – Unversed unicorns, pegasi, and earth ponies alike (Vanitas really needed to name the new species) rampaged through the streets, bucking and casting volatile magic at anything that moved. Ponyville’s citizens were screaming, fleeing, panicking and generally making everything worse.

Vanitas almost felt proud that his Unversed were finally doing their jobs right. On the other hand, they could use better timing.

Rarity joined the chorus of hysterical screaming. So much for getting new street clothes now.

“What do we do?” Sweetie Bell asked, wide eyes fixed on Vanitas.

“Aren’t you the one who dealt with them in the first place?”

She huffed, “If that had worked they wouldn’t be here now.”

Stupid logic. He was too hungry to deal with stampeding Unversed now. Besides, this was his _real_ job, wasn’t it? Spreading darkness and chaos?

He sighed and covered his ears. If he fixed this, it would be just to make everypony stop screaming. And maybe give him free food afterwards.

The rapid ring of the doorbell was even more annoying than the screaming. Sweetie Bell answered it, since Rarity had fainted from shock.

“Look! We can still get our cutie marks in monster-fighting!” Scootaloo exclaimed, piling through the door with Apple Bloom and Fluttershy.

“Those poor animals must be so confused,” Fluttershy said sympathetically, even though her eyes were wide with fear and her mane was a mess, probably from trying to reason with the creatures.

“They’re not animals,” Vanitas said, mentally adding _idiot._ “They’re monsters. _My_ monsters. And they need to get their moronic butts out of here.”

He strode out the door, not waiting for the ponies to follow him. Fluttershy stayed inside to take care of Rarity, but the Cutie Mark Crusaders caught up before Vanitas got too far.

He had already tried mentally commanding the Unversed to stop, but that would be too easy, wouldn’t it? Even though he was cured of the poison joke, those creatures were created under its influence, and their defective minds wouldn’t take orders.

That left one other option: absorb each Unversed manually. Why did his vacation days always end up so exhausting…?

“You,” he pointed to Sweetie Bell, “start singing to get them in one place. You,” pointing to Scootaloo now, “go kick butt or something.”

“Yes sir!” She saluted, fluttering her tiny wings.

“And you – uh, what do you do?” He asked Apple Bloom. Aside from supporting his unconscious body, she still seemed useless.

“I’ll corral ‘em just like my big sis would!” She said enthusiastically.

“Great, you do that,” Vanitas said before running after a pegasus Unversed that was bashing its head against a window. When he lunged to grab its sparking tail, it shot up a few feet out of reach.

“Get back here, featherhead!” No, that name wouldn’t work. Not nearly cool enough.

Vanitas used the side of a building as a springboard and vaulted up to latch on to the green pegasus’ wing. It bucked and struggled, but he managed to absorb the negativity back into himself and land on his feet.

“One down,” he muttered, wincing as he felt the darkness return to him. It wasn’t until then that he realized how… light he had felt before. How many Unversed had he created for his darkness levels to be so low?

Behind him Sweetie Bell’s singing echoed through the streets, quieting the other ponies’ screams and gathering the Unversed into a chaotic herd. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom sped around the perimeter on a scooter, the first one driving and the latter lassoing any Unversed that broke away from the group.

“Not half bad for a bunch of little ponies,” Vanitas admitted, running over to start absorbing the Unversed.

“Look Vani! Look how many we caught!” Scootaloo bragged, stopping her scooter in front of him.

_“Big adventure, tons of fun; a beautiful heart, faithful and strong…”_ Sweetie Bell kept singing.

“What do we do now?” Apple Bloom asked.

Vanitas straightened his tie dramatically. “Stand back.”

He waded into the herd, absorbing Unversed as he went. This was a task much easier said than done. The earth pony-Unversed bucked at him, catching the hems of his fancy pants on fire, and he cursed and blasted chunks of Blizzard magic at himself to put it out.

“Do you wanna do this the hard way, hothooves?” Huh. Hothoof. That wasn’t a terrible name for that species of Unversed.

He summoned his keyblade even though he didn’t want to use it – killing his Unversed hurt. A lot. But maybe it would make them keep their distance.

_“Raise this barn, raise this barn, one, two, three, four…”_ Sweetie Bell’s singing didn’t keep the electric pegasi from dive-bombing him.

“Hard way it is.” He grabbed two that were charging him from the air and absorbed them before turning his keyblade on the remaining Unversed. “This is gonna hurt you a lot more than it’ll hurt me.”

He winced every time Void Gear sliced through one of his rouge creations. It wasn’t nearly as painful as when they forced their way out of him, but it still wasn’t pleasant. Even though he was destroying them left and right, more Unversed kept flinging themselves at his keyblade.

_“Hush now, quiet now, it’s time to lay your sleepy head…”_ Sweetie Bell’s new song seemed to be lulling the Unversed into a drowsy trance.

“Keep that up!” Vanitas called to her, and she nodded without pausing. Now that the Unversed were calmer, he could absorb them with no violence required. Well, almost no violence. He did end up strangling a few Thundercolts – he decided on the name for the Unversed pegasi – who had been the most annoying, though that was for fun rather than out of necessity.

Soon all of the Thundercolts and Hothooves had been dissolved back into Vanitas’s growing void of negativity, as well as many of the still-nameless purple unicorn Unversed. Not all of them had been corralled in the first place, though – Vanitas saw a few slipping in between houses and prancing over rooftops (how had they gotten up there?), leaving icy trails in their wake. They appeared to be having some effect on the weather, too, or else the regular pegasi had an ice storm planned. Vanitas winced as a chunk of hail hit him on the head. It was a little too late to save his fancy pants, but he swapped his new clothes out for his dark suit and helmet to protect himself.

“See anything?” Scootaloo asked, looking at her still-blank flank.

“Nope,” Apple Bloom replied. “But we’ve still got plenty of monsters to catch.”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Scootaloo hopped back on her scooter. “Monster fighting cutie marks, here we come!” Sweetie Bell and Apple Bloom sat in the wagon being pulled behind the tiny scooter, and they sped off down an alley.

“I hate my job,” Vanitas deadpanned. The negativity he had regained from the Hothooves and Thundercolts was giving him a buzzing ache in the back of his head, and he felt like smashing things for no reason. Like how he usually felt all the time.

He stabbed his keyblade into a cobblestone to vent some anger and ran after the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

“Vani! Vani! We caught one!” Scootaloo yelled. Apple Bloom’s mouth was full of the rope holding the unicorn Unversed relatively still.

“Not bad.” He absorbed it in a tendril of purple mist. “But I think you can do better than that.”

“You bet we can!” Scootaloo saluted and motored off, which gave Vanitas an idea. He threw his keyblade, transformed it into glider form, and hopped on.

Jetting up above the roofline, Vanitas had a better view of the Unversed terrorizing Ponyville. Several of the streets were iced over from the unicorns’ Blizzard magic, and a slate-grey pegasus skated sloppily down one of them, unaware that an Unversed lurked around the corner.

“How stupid can these ponies be?” Vanitas swooped down and grabbed the Unversed by its horn, slamming it into a wall just as it was about to lunge for the pegasus.

“Ahh!” She yelled, seeing the monster right before it vanished in a puff of smoke. “Don’t eat me! I taste like muffins!” She slipped and did the splits, and a chunk of hail conked her on the head.

“I don’t like muffins,” he deadpanned and flew off before he could lose it and bash her with his keyblade.

Using his glider made catching the Unversed much easier, even though it was frustrating trying to fly through the hail, even with his helmet on. He picked off several Frightmares (Vanitas finally settled on the name for the unicorn Unversed) on his own, some with the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and some even fell at the hooves of—

“Who’s ready to PARTYYYY?” Pinkie Pie cheered, blasting her party cannon at a Frightmare, which disappeared under a goopy mound of cake batter.

“Can’t handle this much awesome, can you?” Rainbow Dash taunted one as she sped around it before ending its existence with a swift hoof to the face.

“Can’t let ya’ll go making it winter before apple buckin’ season’s over!” Applejack yelled and bucked two at the same time, one with each of her back legs.

“If only I could study these creatures… where could they have come from?” Twilight Sparkle wondered, reluctantly blasting them with magic from her horn.

“Less talking, more winning!” Rainbow grinned and smashed two Frightmares’ heads together.

Apparently Fluttershy had revived Rarity, because the two mares joined the fight as well… well, if Fluttershy’s tactics could be considered fighting. While Rarity fiercely shot the Unversed with her magic, the yellow pegasus timidly asked them to be nice.

“Be assertive, Fluttershy!” Rarity reminded her, attacking a Frightmare like it was last season’s fashion.

“Oh, right. Be nice, um, or I’ll—”

“Tear you to pieces!” Rainbow Dash interjected.

Fluttershy looked disturbed. “I was thinking something like, ‘ask you to leave, please.’ “

Rainbow Dash and Rarity facehoofed. Vanitas figured that even with Fluttershy holding them back, the six ponies had this area covered, so he went back to tracking Frightmares in the more deserted areas of Ponyville. As he picked them off one by one, he realized that the ponies he knew weren’t the only ones battling the Unversed – several other ponies throughout Ponyville were putting up a fight. He could feel his Unversed’s pain even before he saw evidence of their destruction.

A large red stallion took on Frightmares with sheer strength, but most other fighters had more interesting techniques. A white unicorn with purple shades blasted them with some sort of sound-cannon that shook the foundations of the surrounding buildings. Vanitas had to wonder what a well-dressed brown stallion could’ve said that made the Unversed walk over to him and let themselves be absorbed. The weirdest pony, though, had to be the blue unicorn who fought the Unversed with a giant toothbrush.

“This day just gets better and better,” Vanitas muttered to himself, grimacing from another dead Unversed’s negativity returning to him. Had he really had this much negativity in him in the first place without exploding? He shot off some Dark Firaga at the ground, melting the layer of ice and making himself feel a little better.

“Vani, we…” –pant, pant—“caught another one!” Scootaloo said, weakly helping Apple Bloom and Sweetie Bell drag the lassoed Frightmare on hoof. Scootaloo’s wings had been immobilized by ice, and Vanitas could only guess something similar had happened to her scooter. He absorbed the Frightmare with only a nod, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders trudged off to catch more monsters.

Everyone was wearing down. Despite how many unlikely fighters they had, the Unversed seemed innumerable. Had that many come out of him while he was unconscious? Or were they multiplying somehow?

At least the horde did seem to be wearing down, thought it was hard to tell because of how scattered they were. When Vanitas took to the sky on his glider, he only saw a few Frightmares prancing through the street, most of which fell prey to the white unicorn’s sound-cannon. Not wanting to miss out on the last of the action, Vanitas swooped down to take out the last Unversed before the sound-cannon could.

“I had that,” the white unicorn pouted, lifting her glasses to more effectively glare at him with her magenta eyes.

Vanitas shrugged. “You were too slow.”

“Hey, hold on a sec.” She telekinetically took off his helmet and threw it on the ground before he could protest. “You’re that guy Pinkie threw a party for! Van-something, right?”

“It’s _Vanitas.”_

“Name’s Vinyl Scratch,” she ignored his correction. “Nice dance moves, by the way. Must be hard when you’ve only got two legs. So, you ever seen a bass cannon before?” She patted her Unversed-killing machine proudly.

“No,” he deadpanned. Why was this unicorn wasting his time? Not that there seemed to be any more Frightmares, but he was hungry.

“My friends Neon and Octavia helped me build it. It’s great for parties, it can blast those monsters to bits, _and_ it cleans dishes on a microscopic level.” She grinned. “So what were those monsters anyway?”

“They’re… complicated.” He winced, hating how exposed his emotions were without his helmet. Speaking of which, he picked up the dark mask, shined it with his arm, and crammed it back over his mess of black spikes.

“Complicated, huh?” Vinyl blew her forelock out of her eyes. “Not too complicated for my bass cannon.”

Vanitas rolled his eyes, his annoyance rising for no particular reason. “Not complicated to _kill,_ obviously. Those idiots couldn’t stand up to a few ponies. Ponies! What’s _wrong_ with them?”

“Hey, watch what you say about ponies,” Vinyl warned, not hesitating to aim her bass cannon at him.

_“You_ watch where you’re aiming that thing!” Vanitas threatened.

“Pfft, you’re the one still on that huge flying-thing!” She pointed to his glider. “Who are you, anyway? Why did you come here at the exact same time these monsters did?”

“I… Shut up!” Vanitas could feel his negativity levels rising higher than usual, higher than was safe around this town full of bright ponies. His darkness was too strong from all the Unversed returning to him so quickly. He couldn’t afford to blow it here, the one place where he was almost trusted… where he might have had friends…

He quickly opened a corridor to Dwarf Woodlands, the first world he could think of besides the Keyblade Graveyard, and roared from deep in his lungs. A startled flock of birds took flight from the treetops. Unversed poured in dark waves from his body – Hothooves, Thundercolts, and Frightmares mostly, but eventually his older Unversed sprung out too – Hareraisers, Bruisers, Scrappers, Floods, all those pot ones. Unfortunately no Prize Pods, though.

With the excess darkness finally separated from him, Vanitas’s scream died to a low whimper, a heartbroken moan, and he collapsed to the leaf-littered ground. Fresh scents of pine and earth and cold streams cleared his head, but they didn’t do anything for the pain in his heart.

“What’s… wrong with me…?” Those Unversed couldn’t just be the poison joke. Being forced to sing and becoming weightless were jokes. Having emotions forcefully ripped out and put into physical form was _not_ a joke.

Unless you were Xehanort. Vanitas had never wanted to strangle the old man more.

“I could be sick… that cheese I stole from Olympus Coliseum yesterday had to have been past the expiration date, it tasted like moldy feet… not that I know what moldy feet taste like… Huh?”

Feeling something nuzzling his shoulder, Vanitas had expected to see a Flood or some other Unversed. But a deer? A regular animal, not repulsed by his darkness?

“I bet you would taste good,” he muttered to it, making it scamper away quickly. With a sigh he straightened his legs out in front of him and leaned back on his hands. “Weird…”

His stomach rumbled loudly. Too bad he hadn’t Firaga’d that deer.

Somepony in Equestria would probably be kind enough to feed him… he didn’t feel like stealing today. Though, with how many Unversed he’d had to kill, he’d probably made enough munny today to feed himself three-course meals all week.

Still, for some unfathomable reason, he wanted to go back. Maybe it was for the food. Maybe it was so he’d look less guilty. Maybe it was because he really just didn’t have anything better to do.

“I’m strong,” he told himself. “I’m the strongest there is. I can beat my emotions. They don’t control me.”

He took a deep breath and opened a dark corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a little more serious than anything I meant to happen in this fanfic… Hopefully this plot arc will be completed in the next chapter.
> 
> Unnamed pony cameos: Derpy Hooves, Big Macintosh, Doctor Hooves, and Colgate. I’m sure you can guess which is which.
> 
> I should have a picture of my Unversed designs up on my art page soon; the link is on my profile.
> 
> Vanitas’s clothing is based on this picture: http://yoruven.deviantart.com/art/KH-sketch-Vanitas-and-Xion-299991798
> 
> Vinyl’s Bass canon is a reference to the video “Epic Wub Time: Musicians of Ponyville”.


	4. Medal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas never thought the effects of spreading darkness and negativity would get personal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That awkward moment when two seasons have gone by since I started this plot arc. *sweatdrop* This ties it up, finally.
> 
> (First time updating something on AO3, woo!)

Vanitas remembered how sickeningly bright and cheery Ponyville looked upon his first visit. Wandering through the iced-over streets now, streets eerily devoid of laughter, he could hardly tell it was the same place. Skittish mares hid with their foals when he passed by, but he was in no mood to terrorize them. He was utterly exhaused.

Not exhausted enough, however, to ignore the damage his Unversed had caused. Most of the Hothooves and Thundercolts had been eliminated quickly, but not before igniting a few of the humble buildings, which blazed in spite of the still-frigid temperatures. A brigade of firefighting pegasi summoned a downpour to douse the flames consuming a building that, if he remembered correctly, was known to every citizen of Ponyville as Sugarcube Corner.

Vanitas stopped. The pegasi had almost extinguished the flames, but the stubborn embers seared spots into the backs of his eyes. Smoke billowed high into the cloud-covered sky.

Faint sniffles caught his attention – a pink, limp-maned mare hunched on the steps of the building across the street from the blaze. He recognized that mare. Of course, how could he forget the spastic pony who had welcomed him to Ponyville, given his ice cream, and forced him to dance?

Not that she could feel much like dancing now, as she watched most of her home go up in flames.

Vanitas took a sea beside her, not saying a word. This kind of destruction was normal to him; he intentionally carried it out plenty of times, on plenty of innocent worlds like this one… but never had he actually known the victims.

He didn’t feel guilty. That much he was sure. But listening to Pinkie Pie cry... it bothered him in some way beyond the irritation of her high-pitched sniffles in his ears.

He hugged his knees to his chest and tried not to look at the pink mare, or her burning home. The only other place to direct his gaze was straight down, where a mirror-like sheet of ice reflected his helmeted figure. But he didn’t want to see himself, either, so he shut his eyes tight, slamming a door on the world. Pinkie was still crying. Too bad he couldn’t shut his ears.

“Shut up,” he muttered, not knowing if he meant it for Pinkie Pie or for the universe in general.

“I know,” she sniffled. “What am I crying for? It could have been way worse. The Cakes made it out. Nopony got hurt.”

“Your house is on fire,” Vanitas reminded her. She might be faking it, but even if she was, how could she pretend to be so optimistic?

“It’s even kind of pretty.” She smiled shakily. “Like fireworks. Or birthday candles. You wanna blow it out and make a wish?”

Vanitas stared at her, blinking under his mask. “You’re insane.”

She managed a giggle. “I get that sometimes. But do you?”

He rolled his eyes – if she wanted to laugh while everything burned, that was her problem. Maybe she was more like him than she seemed. “Fine. I wish-”

“No, silly! You have to wait until the fire’s out!”

He sighed and waited a few more seconds until the pegasi firefighters doused the last embers. “I wish-”

“Did you think about it first?” She interrupted again.

“Yes-”

“Really really hard?”

“Yeah, I-”

“Harder than a metal coconut?”

“…Sure, whatever. I wish-”

“Well don’t tell me! It won’t come true if you say it out loud!”

Stupid pink pony and her mindless rituals; why did she care if he wished for anything, then? Not that he put much stock in wishes, especially ones made on a burning house. And especially when the wish was for a hot bubble bath and some cold ice cream (and to finally stop feeling like the shattered heart he was).

“So you’re just going to leave your house like that,” Vanitas said disbelievingly. The foundation and most of the walls were still intact, but the roof had caved in completely. The inside had to be a wreck.

“Pfft, that would just be silly!” Pinkie Pie giggle-snorted, her mane finally poofing back into its regular afro-ish state. “Applejack and Twilight will help me fix it up good as new. Probably even better!” She clapped her hooves. “Ooh, maybe we’ll put in a Jell-O fountain…!”

Vanitas scooted away slowly while she rambled on about all the improvements they would make to Sugarcube Corner, until he was finally far enough away to stand up and walk somewhere else, where he could hopefully find some semi-sane pony like Rarity or Fluttershy. And to think he’d actually – almost – felt sorry for Pinkie Pie! It was just a trick of the light, manipulation. Why should he expect any different? Friend or not, it didn’t matter. It was probably all this light that made his Unversed go crazy in the first place. And look where that left Ponyville now.

He wasn’t sure why he was still wandering around this place. However much he lied to himself, he didn’t belong here.

“Hey, there he is!” Rainbow Dash called from overhead, startling him into summoning his keyblade. “Woah, woah, cool it! We’ve been looking all over for you!”

“Why, you want to lecture me or something?” Vanitas kept walking, pretending he actually had somewhere to be, until Rarity and Twilight galloped out of the street in front of him.

“It’s true that I’m experienced at lecturing, but it’s not _all_ I do,” Twilight said. Rainbow Dash took a running landing beside her.

“You were taking out those monsters left and right!” Rainbow grinned. “Not with as much style as me, of course, but you know, A for effort and all that.”

“I don’t have time for banter right now,” Vanitas said in irritation.

Rarity cleared her throat. “What we _really_ wanted to say,” she gave Rainbow a stern glance, “is thank you for helping to protect our town—”

Seriously? It was so ridiculous Vanitas laughed, “You don’t even-”

“—and Pinkie’s throwing a ‘Ponyville Didn’t Get Destroyed for the Sixth-and-a-Half Time’ Party if you wanna come,” Rainbow Dash finished.

Vanitas, against his better judgment, asked a question. “As in it’s _already_ been destroyed five-and-a-half times before, or it’s _almost_ been destroyed five-and-a-half times?”

“I’m not exactly sure,” Twilight answered.

“I’m surprised anypony keeps count anymore, honestly,” Rarity added, and Rainbow shrugged.

“So, you coming or not?”

“Parties mean food, right?” His stomach rumbled loudly, and Rainbow laughed.

“Sheesh, you humans sure think about food a lot. Come on, let’s get there before it’s all gone.”

XXX

Vanitas didn’t expect reconstruction to begin so quickly, but Rainbow Dash led him, Twilight, and Rarity back to the remains of Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and a ton of other ponies were already cleaning out the inside and raising a new wall. The white unicorn with the purple shades he’d met earlier – Vinyl Scratch – had set up her bass cannon to blast some wubs while the ponies worked.

“This isn’t a party,” Vanitas grumbled, not that he had that much experience with parties. “This is work with background music.” Did they think he was stupid enough to fall for this?

“Well, it was a party when we left,” Rarity said, “but so many ponies must have noticed what dreadful things happened to Pinkie’s house and decided to help.”

“She _does_ know everypony in town,” Twilight added. “It’s hardly a surprise.”

It was to Vanitas. “Pfft, they just _decided_ to help. Yeah, right. What are they getting out of it?”

“Nothing. That’s just what friends do.” Twilight eyed him skeptically. “You don’t have much experience with friendship, do you?”

He only shrugged, looking at her as if to say, “ _What do you think?”_

“Well, there’s a first time for everything,” Rarity said considerately. “Why don’t we help her too?”

Vanitas made a face. “Why would I do that?”

Rainbow Dash, hovering in the air, pointed a hoof in the direction of the dwindling supply of desserts. “So the Cakes will have somewhere to bake more food?”

Ugh. They had him figured out by now, didn’t they? “Fine. But not because I care about your ‘Magic of Friendship’ junk.”

He snagged and wolfed down the last slice of chocolate cake before following the ponies.

XXX

As it turned out, Vanitas was more helpful than he’d expected. Only ever having used his powers for destruction, it was an itchingly uncomfortable change to use them for _con_ struction, but even though he complained loudly it wasn’t really that difficult. His Bruisers held beams in place; Scrappers and Floods ran supplies back and forth. With the poison joke-induced Unversed out of his system, they were much more relaxed than usual, following commands without question. It was almost like they weren’t even made of negativity. Normally Vanitas would’ve been bothered by that, but at this point he really just wanted to get this done and get something (besides cake) to eat.

“Van, would you be a dear and help me up there?” Rarity asked him, pointing her horn up to Sugarcube Corner’s gingerbread-looking roof.

“I’m not a deer,” Vanitas muttered to himself. “I could eat a deer…”

He lowered his glider enough for her to hop on. “Thank you very much. By the way, did you change clothes on purpose, or did you damage the outfit I just made for you?”

“On purpose.” His dress pants were kind of singed, but he didn’t care enough to tell her. He still needed a new set of street clothes.

“Good, I would appreciate it if you would take care of those. Not that it’s always easy when incidents like _this_ happen…”

Vanitas dropped Rarity off at the roof, where she joined a team of unicorns who were telekinetically holding the framework together while a team of pegasi flew beneath and cleared debris and bolted things together.

“Where’s that other unicorn?” Vanitas asked, not seeing Twilight among them. If _he_ had to help, everypony else had better be helping too.

“Twilight?” Rarity asked, straining to talk while focusing her telekinesis. “She has a special job.”

“Right. Special.” Vanitas rolled his eyes and landed his glider on the ground; none of the other ponies needed him at the moment, as far as he knew. And he didn’t care too much if they did.

The door was open; Pinkie’s hyperactive voice bounced from inside.

“Ooh, can you fix that too? It was our family scrapbook!”

“Photographs are a little harder than three-dimensional objects… I’ll see what I can do.”

“I know you can do it, Twilight! You’re the most magical unicorn _ever_!”

“Well, I don’t know about _that…”_

Vanitas followed their voices inside and was in time to see Twilight’s magenta magic surround a pile of ashes. They swirled like they were caught in one of those Keyblade Graveyard twisters before spiraling back into the shape of a book.

“Whew,” Twilight sighed, wiping away the sweat dripping off of her forelock. “I think that’s the last I can do, Pinkie.”

“Aww, we’ll have to do the Jell-O fountain later then. Thank you Twilight!” Pinkie glomped her friend, Twilight’s sweat apparently not bothering her.

“We all thank you,” A light cerulean pony with a whipped pink mane said, appearing out of the kitchen. The yellow baby unicorn on her back giggled and echoed a gleeful “Twank wu!”

“It’s no trouble,” Twilight replied with a smile. The sweat still dripping off of her said otherwise. Why wasn’t she asking for anything in return? Vanitas was sure they’d pay anything for magic like that.

The pony with the baby had tears in her eyes. “But it is. For everyone… I simply can’t believe so many ponies offered to help, and so quickly. And you too,” she nodded at Vanitas with a smile. “I don’t even know who you are. Or what you are, if I’m honest. But thank you.”

Vanitas wasn’t sure how to respond. He’d never been thanked so sincerely before, never really felt… appreciated. The fact that this was all technically his fault still churned inside of him, making him unable to fully take it in. Luckily Pinkie interrupted before he had to say anything.

“You’re the bestest friends ever!” She squealed, still in Twilight’s personal space.

“What’s that make me?” Applejack asked with a chuckle, trotting down the rebuilt stairs. “Everything’s good up there.”

“You’re the bestest friend ever too!” Pinkie hugged her violently, knocking the orange pony’s hat off.

“Er, you’re welcome,” she choked out. The blue-and-pink pony skirted past the others with another heartfelt thank-you, leaving the house.

“Bye Mrs. Cake!” Pinkie flailed one of her front legs goodbye, then continued her affection-spree. “You need a hug too!” She sprung off of Applejack and onto him, forcing out his breath. “And I should hug your pets; they’re super-duper helpful! And to think they’re those evil monster ponies’ cousins!” Pinkie burst out laughing. “I bet they go _crazy_ at family reunions-”

“’Scuse me?” Applejack pushed back her hat, revealing an interrogating glare. “What do you mean, ‘cousins’?”

…He was an idiot. He was _such an idiot._ He should never have summoned more Unversed, not after they’d witnessed the destruction they could cause. It was just second nature; he hadn’t considered the consequences. Obviously his Bruisers and Scrappers had the same glowing red eyes and Unversed emblem as the three pony varieties, and Twilight and Applejack were pretty smart – at least, they weren’t _that_ stupid. Compared to some ponies, anyway. It was a miracle none of them had mentioned anything sooner, and that of all the ponies to mention anything, it was _Pinkie Pie._

“Yeah, what do you mean?” Vanitas echoed at Pinkie, trying to keep the staring eyes off of him and retain some plausible deniability. Trying.

Pinkie giggle-snorted. “What do you mean, what do I mean? I mean, I guess they could be _second_ cousins, or second cousins twice removed, or maybe thirty-second cousins _three_ times removed-”

“Thank you, Pinkie, I think we get it now,” Twilight cut her off before looking at Vanitas in confusion. “It just doesn’t make any sense. Why would you make those shadow-ponies?”

“I didn’t!” Vanitas lied vainly, craving the comforting barrier of his mask. He was too close. Too involved. He cared too much, and it showed.

He was _weak._ Just like Ventus, who was always chasing after his friends, no better than a lost puppy. Now Vanitas was the puppy, cowering under the ponies’ accusing gazes with his tail between his legs—

No. This wasn’t him.

“Well, they do look _mighty_ similar-”

“No.” Vanitas straightened up, looking down at Applejack. The top of her hat only came up to his chest; there was no way he’d let her get under his skin. “I mean, yeah. They do. Because I _did_ make them.”

“But why?” Twilight asked – not accusingly? But she should accuse him; his Unversed wrecked her whole town.

“Does it matter?” Vanitas snapped. A Mandrake ripped itself out of him with his outburst, but Twilight zapped it with her horn. He tried to hide his wince. “See? Sometimes I try to stop it. Sometimes I don’t. Usually I make them on purpose, actually.”

His Bruisers and Scrappers, maybe realizing they were being talking about, shuffled and scampered in through the newly-reconstructed front door.

“Why _wouldn’t_ you make them on purpose?” Pinkie asked, bouncing up onto one of the Bruiser’s shoulders. “You can play with your friends anytime you want! And they’re _way_ more fun than a sack of flour!”

Applejack gave her a funny look, then rolled her eyes. “Or, the varmints can destroy our homes whenever they want.”

“Can I study them?” Twilight’s eyes lit up. “Clearly these aren’t exactly like the others. Maybe I could find out what made the other ones go crazy!”

“No!” Vanitas exclaimed, taken aback. “Look, I’m not being anyone’s—”

“Maybe they ate too much Triple Tutti-Frutti Cake!” Pinkie bounced off of the Bruiser, who was an inch away from slamming her with its giant fists. Not that she seemed to notice.

“It wasn’t _cake.”_ Vanitas rolled his eyes. “It was these flowers. That zebra – what did she call them?”

“Uh, was it poison joke?” Applejack asked, connecting the dots as she shared a glance with the other two ponies. Well, Twilight anyway; Pinkie was busy lolling her tongue out and batting it with a hoof.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Why didn’t you just say so?” Twilight asked. “Of course you couldn’t control it. We don’t hold it against you.”

She and Pinkie – and even a reluctant Applejack – nodded in agreement.

“You- you don’t?!” His voice cracked embarrassingly. No matter what he had said, he still cared – and he still hoped they would forgive him, not that he’d expected them to.

“Like Twi’ said, it ain’t your fault.” She sighed. “Guess I just wanted somepony to blame.”

“I’m not a pony,” Vanitas grumbled.

“Somebody,” Applejack corrected. Vanitas saw her roll her eyes before she turned around. “C’mon, Pinkie. Let’s make sure everything’s back in one piece.”

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie bounced out of Sugarcube Corner, squeaking every time she hit the ground.

“Looks like they’re finished here. Should we check-?”

Vanitas’s near-earthquake-force stomach growl cut Twilight off. She laughed sheepishly.

“Right. We promised you food, didn’t we? I don’t think the Cakes will be baking anything for a while since Mrs. Cake just left, but in the mean time I’m sure Spike can cook something up for you.”

Who was Spike? That wasn’t a sparkly-girly-pony sort of name. Meh, if she, or he, or whatever, could get him some food, he didn’t care.

“It’s about time.”

XXX

Vanitas had never been to Twilight’s treehouse-library before. As far as pony-houses went, it wasn’t bad, but he didn’t see how anyone could need that many _books_. Even Aqua probably hadn’t read that many.

Forget the books, though, the best thing about Twilight’s house was that it came with a competent minion. Spike was really something special – they got home, and he was just finishing cleaning the whole house! What Unversed could Vanitas trust to do chores while he was gone? And then Spike cooked up the best nachos he’d ever tasted – well, not that he’d ever tasted nachos before, but still. He’d trade in all of his Tank Topplers for an Unversed species that could cook.

“This is _great._ ” Vanitas wiped cheese sauce off of his face (and onto the sleeve of Rarity’s fancy outfit). “You do this all the time?”

“Well, not always nachos, but I do cook a lot.” Spike grinned proudly. “You really think it’s great, huh?”

But Vanitas’s didn’t care much about actually interacting with the poster minion. “Where can I get one?” He asked Twilight, who gave him a funny look.

“Most ponies don’t live with baby dragons. Spike was given to me as an egg when I was a filly.”

“…You mean I can’t have one?” Vanitas pouted.

“Hello, standing right here,” Spike deadpanned.

Twilight hoofed at the floor uncomfortably. “Spike is my friend. He’s not just here to cook and clean—”

“What else does he do?” Vanitas crunched another chip.

That caught Twilight off guard. “He… well…”

“Um, Twilight?” Spike tapped her front leg. “Can I say something?”

“Of course, Spike.” She stepped aside, looking grateful not to have to come up with a response. The baby dragon cleared his throat.

“I do mostly cook and clean and run errands for Twilight,” he explained to Vanitas, who was just finishing his nachos and beginning to lose interest in the baby dragon. “I don’t mind. She’s my friend, and she’s raised me and taken care of me ever since I was a hatchling. Sure, I help out a lot, but she’s helped me too. Like when I went on the dragon migration, and when I had the, uh, hoarding problem-”

Twilight chuckled. “Those were definitely adventures.”

“Yeah.” Spike laughed too. “So I guess, uh, I just wanted to say I’m – I’m a person too.”   He stood a little straighter, but still only came up to about Vanitas’s waist. It was kind of cute. Not that he liked cute things.

Vanitas still didn’t quite believe Spike was more than a minion – an incredibly loyal minion, but still a minion – but now that he was done eating, he didn’t feel like wasting time with this conversation. Besides, there were some things he wanted to try with his Unversed. Like making them cook. It would probably help if he knew how to cook in the first place…

“Okay, I get it. I can’t have a baby dragon minion. But you better at least get me a cookbook.”

XXX

After borrowing the book and leaving Twilight’s house, Vanitas expected to go back to the Keyblade Graveyard and sleep the “vacation” off. The setting sun cast an orange glow over Ponyville, signaling that he had already overstayed his welcome. Unfortunately, the Cutie Mark Crusaders caught him before he could sneak out of the town.

“Vani! Vani!” Sweetie Belle called a split second before the three fillies tackled him. He nearly summoned his keyblade from reflex, but he caught himself just in time. He really didn’t need a pony-kebab right now.

“What?” Vanitas demanded impatiently.

“Look what we got!” Scootaloo puffed out her chest proudly, displaying the large (compared to her tiny body) gold medal that hung from her neck.

“It’s for helping save the whole town!” Apple Bloom explained, showing off her own medal.

“The mayor gave them to us, and to some of the other ponies who helped,” Sweetie Belle said. “She had one for you too, but we couldn’t find you.”

“Me _-_?!”

“Of course!” Apple Bloom chirped. “Good thing we brought it with us!”

“You _what_ -?”

Sweetie Belle bowed her head, sliding the extra medal off of her neck. The shiny golden disc flopped to the ground in front of him.

“It’s not as cool as a cutie mark, but it’s not bad,” Scootaloo said, making faces at her reflection in hers.

“Yeah,” Apple Bloom sighed at her still-blank flank.

Vanitas ignored them, staring at the gold medal he’d picked up and cradled in his red-and-black-covered hands. He didn’t deserve it. He was the bad guy. The bad guy didn’t save the day, or get rewards, or get anything without taking it by force.

But this was given freely, despite what the fillies knew he’d done… There was a strange, but not necessarily uncomfortable, warmth in the pit of his stomach. He was willing to bet it wasn’t from the nachos.

His lips quirked upwards. For once, he didn’t try to stop them. “Thanks.” The word tasted unfamiliar, exotic, but the flavor was bad (though it wasn’t near as good as Spike’s nachos). He draped the medal around his neck and rubbed a suited thumb over the embossed surface, which bore the image of a flowing-maned pony he didn’t recognize as well as the words _Ponyville Medal of Bravery._

…Was he brave? The little ponies were brave; they had to be to take on the Unversed without any special powers or abilities. But Vanitas never doubted he’d come out alive… unless he created so many Unversed they drained his life force…

But he hadn’t. He’d won. And he _was_ brave. And these little fillies thought he was a hero – and for now, that was good enough.

“We’re going back to Sweetie Belle’s house,” Scootaloo said. “So you ‘round, Vani!”

“Bye, Vani!” Apple Bloom called.

“Goodbye!” Sweetie Belle echoed.

“Heh… see you if I see you.” Vanitas smirked. The fillies trotted back towards the center of town. “Those crazy ponies… almost as crazy as those Power Ranger kids… and they like me.” He laughed; it sounded unhealthily insane. “See, Ventus? I can make friends too! So hah!”

XXX

“What’s that you got ‘round your neck, kid?” Braig asked the second Vanitas landed his glider.

“What are you-? Oh.” The medal. He hadn’t thought to… well, he hadn’t wanted to take it off, and he hadn’t expected Braig to be here. “I stole it,” he lied, which was much easier behind his mask than without it.

“Eh, guess you’ve done worse.” Braig shrugged, polishing one of his guns with his red bandana. “Still, seems like a pretty petty thing to snatch. What is it, some kid’s little league medal?”

“Shut up, Braig,” Vanitas muttered. He had friends in Ponyville, but not here. He could tell Braig to shut up if he wanted to.

Braig just laughed. “I thought you might be better than that. Heh, maybe you _are_ as evil as you’re always bragging about.”

Normally Vanitas would’ve snapped something back, but irritating as Braig was, Vanitas wasn’t really bothered today. He stalked past silently, a smirk hiding under his mask.

“C’mon, no banter? What happened, somebody drown your goldfish?”

Ignoring him, Vanitas scaled the rugged ledge to his cave-slash-bedroom and hung his medal on a protruding rock. It was the only decoration in the dirt-colored cave other than a flat mattress he actually _had_ stolen, which he flopped down on, tossing aside his helmet.

In a way, Braig was right. He could do worse. Somehow, even when thinking of all the problems and annoyances he’d faced in Ponyville today, all he could do was laugh.

“I bet Spike drugged those nachos,” he said to himself, with another awkward laugh. “That must be it. Pony drugs.”

He snorted, half-believing himself.

Oh well, he felt good for now. He’d see if morning left him any saner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pony drug. It’s addictive. Don’t start, kids.
> 
> *Psst if you’re reading this it’s too late :P*
> 
> I won’t be updating this for a long time now that this plot arc was finished. Not that I was the most regular updater in the first place... *sweatdrop* I may start another plot arc eventually, though, so I’ll leave the ‘complete’ tag off.

**Author's Note:**

> Longest one-shot I’ve ever written. XD
> 
> About that bit where Vanitas breakdanced – that’s not as much crack as you might expect, if you use the “Break Time” command while playing as Ventus in BbS, you can make him breakdance. XD XD XD Unfortunately it’s hard to use and completely useless in battle, but it’s fun anyway.
> 
> Heh, I got pretty attached to the Floods in this like I did with the Hareraiser in the Van/Power Rangers ‘fic. :P  
> For some reason Rarity was one of my favorites in this ‘fic, and I didn’t like writing for Rainbow Dash that much, even though Rainbow’s one of my favorites in the show and I don’t normally like Rarity that much. ^^;
> 
> I’m going to draw Vanitas’s new outfit sometime; I’ll either use it for the cover picture or put it up on my art page (link is on my profile). I also want to draw Fluttershy with the Floods, the mental image of that is just too cute. ^^ Pinkie and Vani dancing would also be hilarious. I have way too many fanart ideas from this ‘fic.


End file.
